Disturbing Behavior (1998)

Let's set the scene.  It's 1998.  Scream Queen is 15.  Dawson's Creek is the JAM. The Faculty was just released.  American Pie and Varsity Blues will be come out next year.  And all we want is to see is movies about other angsty teenagers because OMFG they understand what we're going through.  When the makeout scene in this movie opened up with The Fly's "Got You Where I Want You," I was just instantly transported back to my room, with the radio permanently on the alt-rock station, and 90s band posters on my wall.

I love how the cafeteria scene in this flick is so reminiscent of Heathers and Gavin (Nick Stahl) is so vaguely Christian Slater.  Steve (James Mardsen) is the "new kid" and he's noticing that something is a little strange about his new hometown.  It seems like there might be teenage cyborgs residing there, no big deal.

Can we just appreciate for one moment how smoking hot Katie Holmes was back in the day?  I've been told that she's my celebrity look-alike, and while that was embarrassing during her foray with Tom Cruise, you can't say she wasn't beautiful before all the crazy and super-skinniness.

So basically in Cradle Bay, there are different cliques and such, but most notably a "Blue Ribbon" group, who are very perfect and hang out at the yogurt shop and conduct bake sales.  Apparently these people used to be stoners and partiers, but have been molded into robot-like prepsters who do no wrong...well, except maybe killing another co-ed.  OOOOPPPSS.

So basically there is a doctor who is doing brain surgery on teenagers that are basically just acting like teenagers.  But they need to be perfect, you know.  The surgery makes them "perfect" but sometimes they just go crazy, or maybe try to have sex with a hot guy but then just bash their heads into a mirror nonstop.  Brain surgery on teenagers is just never a good plan.

And let us not forget William Sadler as the crazy custodian, hell bent on saving the students from brainwashing.  We get a somewhat dramatic late-90s ending with a cliffhanger that opens the door to Disturbing Behavior 2, which was never actually made.

Megan is Missing (2011)

When I saw Megan is Missing in my suggested Netflix instant  queue, I blew it off as some horrible faux-documentary ripoff of Strangeland.  But then I kept hearing about it here and there -- on Facebook, blogs, and the like.  When I finally got myself committed back to actually writing on this blog after a crazy few weeks, I thought this movie would be a good place to start.

Megan is Missing is about two friends named Megan and Amy.  Megan seems like a bit of a turboslut, but we learn that she's had a tough past, including being molested by her stepfather when she was super young.  Her friend Amy is kind of an outsider -- pretty, but plain, shy, and not into the whole party and sex scene like her friend Megan.  Megan meets a totally cute skater guy (Josh) online and makes plans to meet him at a party, they don't connect, yet continue to chat online.  They make plans to meet up again, and Megan and Amy even chat with Josh together.

After heading out to meet up with Josh, Megan disappears.  The news stations jump all over the story, and surveillance footage shows her being led away by a mysterious man.  Meanwhile, Amy holds faith that Megan is okay, even continuing to contact Josh and chronicle her feelings about Megan's disappearance on her video diary.  Three weeks later, while filming, Amy is abducted as well.

The last 22 minutes of the film are the infamous "22 minutes" talked about in the various reviews and blogs.  They are disturbing for sure.  Not Martyrs-level in my opinion, but pretty damn close.  There's not an incredible amount of gore to see, but it's what you don't see that fucks with your brain.  The fact is, this kind of stuff happens every day, and that's the horrifying part of this movie.

At risk of being a curmudgeon, I worry for teenagers these days.  When I was younger, I partied.  I started drinking when I was in my early teens, but nothing like the kind of stuff you see in this movie, and with modern teenagers in general.  It was usually just a bunch of kids with a keg in the woods, huddled around a fire laughing, and stumbling back to our neighborhoods afterwards.  Chat rooms were first coming around when I was 15 or so, and sure, friends and I would goof around chatting with guys, but would never agree to meet up, or go any farther.  We'd wander around our neighborhoods late at night, always in groups, and looking out for each other.

With teenagers now, there's so much that puts their faces and information out on the internet.  Facebook, Instagram, Skype, Twitter,  FourSquare.  With "checking in" and all that nonsense, anyone who is someone's "friend" can see where they physically are at all times.  Like how fucking scary is that?  If some crazypants wants to find you, it would not be that hard.  This internet craziness is happening all the time, and although this movie isn't real, it's a true social commentary.

Megan is Missing is disturbing, but well made and topical and definitely worth a watch.  I kind of want to chain my social network crazy 17 year old cousin to a chair and make her watch it over and over until she never even thinks of talking to a random dude.  Also, Scream Queen needs a drink now.

The Slumber Party Massacre (1982)

Like Christmas in February, The Slumber Party Massacre randomly appeared on my queue today.  This randomly reminded me of the Christopher Pike book Slumber Party, which of course, I now must obtain.  My research into purchasing a Christopher Pike book is turning into me buying a mass quantity of Christopher Pike and R.L. Stine books from EBay.  I'm sure my husband is going to be thrilled. 

Back to SPM.  We've got the typical 80s high school slasher setup.  Lots of T&A, shower scenes, short-shorts in gym class, and several girls who avoid wearing bras.  Trish's (Michelle Michaels) parents are going out of town for the weekend and she is planning a slumber party.  OMG. remember those?  My favorite slumber party memory consists of my sister, my friend Ashley and I squeezed together on my parents' pull-out couch watching Nightmare on Elm Street 3 and 4 and snarfing more sugar and caffeine than ever should have been put in our presence.  I'm quite sure it included Fun Dip.  This memory is closely followed by another time (again at my friend Ashley's) where we stayed up all night watching The Stand and recreating the scene from our favorite NOES sequel, where Kristen washes down coffee grounds with Diet Coke.  Truth be told, it tasted disgusting, made me bounce off the walls all night/morning, and is a fun story to tell at bars. 

Anyway, the girls start arriving for the slumber party and we just know this is gearing up to be a good time.  Meanwhile, the apparent new girl/outcast, Valerie (Robin Stille) stays home with her little sister.  The hilarity of this?  Her little sister finds a Sylvester Stallone Playgirl while Valerie investigates a noise outside.  Seriously, who knew such a thing even existed?  Google confirms it:

I feel like I'm forgetting an important plot part, since I'm apparently distracted by memories and occurrences in this movie that are not integral to the plot at all.  Oh yes, there is an escaped killer on the loose, wielding a gigantic drill.  The girls better watch out.  So the slumber party is in full swing and the girls are changing into their flimsy little nighties.  I've been to many sleepovers in my lifetime and they mostly involve sweatpants. 

To add to the equation, there are some guys playing tricks on the girls, such as screwing with the fuse box and leaving bloody Barbie dolls around.  While the girls invite the guys in and make strawberry daiquiris all around, the serial killer is slashing people one-by-one.  We've got awesome deaths like a girl kissing a beheaded guy and a pizza delivery guy with his eyes gouged out (also, $6 for a pizza?!?!  Awesome!)  We even get treated to a dead girl in the fridge!

While the driller killer runs around ending lives, everyone else seems confused and/or stupid.  Someone even stops to eat some pizza.  I know when I need to collect my thoughts during a mass murder, I take a break for a slice.  The slasher continues as most do, with the high schoolers being picked off, while the killer continues to traipse around with a drill with a cord on it.  LOL.  We do see lots of girl power near the ending of this movie, and I like that action.

Funnily enough, this movie was written by a feminist and was meant to be a parody.  However, the producers didn't see it as such, so it ends up both intentionally and unintentionally funny at points.  And in true 80s fashion, the entire score for the movie was done on a Casio synthesizer.  Well played, sirs, well played.         

Savage County (2010)

An MTV horror movie and not a vampire to be found?  I'll take it.  This movie desperately wants to be House of 1000 Corpses, even going so far as to have an extremely Otis Driftwood-like character (see left).  We begin the movie by letting everyone know that murder isn't new to this backwoods clan, and that they delight in tying up women and killing them slowly.

So for the premise?  Basically, there's a group of high school kids throwing a "party" over the weekend.  Somehow they have access to a house that's under construction, and a random area near a lake.  They use the house as their home base for partying, traveling over to the lake area for drinking and swimming.  Every stereotype is represented, from the Mc-Lovin type nerd to the sassy valedictorian to the cookie-cutter goth, to the Reggie Bush-looking football star.

As it so turns out, by their swimming spot is right near an infamous house full of homicidal hillbillies.  They taunt the banjo players, eventually enticing one of them to come out and attack the weakling of the group.  The quintessential sexy black football player fights back, killing the old hillbilly.  And we're in trouble I Know What You Did Last Summer-style. 

All the characters in this movie are pretty much insufferable.  They take annoying and self-absorbed teenagers to the next level.  I mean sure, they drink, get pregnant, and wear stupid clothes, but that's to be expected.  But throw in webcams and hipster music, and teenagers are even harder to deal with than usual.  The movie is pretty predictable, going back and forth between videotaped segments of tied-up high schoolers, to a cutesy grounded girl doing a vlog/DJing thing.  Naturally, the sheriff doesn't help, but only covers up the actions of the murderers. 

This wasn't completely unwatchable, but it was pretty regurgitated.  They were really scraping the bottom of the barrel for teen talent, as most of the actors could barely do their lines with any sort of believability.  You could say they made the best of their $250K budget, but I'm glad this didn't become the ongoing series it was intended to be. 

When a Killer Calls (2006)

When I first started watching this movie, I had to double-check IMDB to make sure it wasn't from the 80s.  The video quality is so shitty that I thought it couldn't possibly be from this decade.  After checking that, I had to make sure that this wasn't made by my little cousin and his FlipCam.  Another negative, so although you wouldn't have guessed it, this movie is made by actual filmmakers, less than 5 years ago.  Moving on.

We open on a brutal scene of bondage and stabbing, including doing so with kids.   He captures it all on his cellphone, presumably to post to Facebook and tag friends.  Or Twitter?  I don't know how this dude rolls.  After a pretty cool knife death, we switch up the setting.

Trisha is a babysitter.  An extremely irresponsible one.  Basically, the parents lay down some pretty basic rules for her: no visitors, no ice cream for the kid, and bed at 9pm.  She breaks all of them in record time, making me wonder why anyone entrusts their kids with this stupid chick.  She spends the majority of the babysitting time on the phone with her boyfriend.  Soon enough, she starts receiving creepy calls on her phone from a "restricted" number.  In the vein of the many babysitter movies that came before it, the mystery man calls repeatedly, alternately wanting to chat and reminding Trisha to check on her babysitting charge.

Predictably, she finally gives in and calls the police, where they direct her on how to trace the call.  Their directions actually seem to make zero sense whatsoever, but I'm too concerned with waiting for the moment that they tell her the calls are coming from inside the house.  Guess I'm a traditionalist.

However, the calls decline and the douche factor rises and we get stuck in sort of a non-scary holding pattern for a bit.  But then my patience pays off as we're treated to an ultra creepy killer and some pretty solid death scenes.  This movie was actually not so bad overall.  It certainly wasn't in the realm of When a Stranger Calls or even Babysitter Wanted, but it wasn't completely horrendous either.  The picture and sound quality was pretty bad, and the acting is about what you'd expect.  The killer's motivation was actually pretty original and although the ending was "meh," at least they didn't drag this shit out and leave it open for "When a Killer Gets a New Cell Phone" or some crap.

photo source

The Faculty (1998)

I mentioned The Faculty recently during the 30 Day Challenge and realized that I haven't seen this 90s gem in quite a while.  This flick is practically a who's-who of 90s teen stars, including Josh Hartnett, Jordana Brewster, Clea DuVall, Shawn Hatosy, Usher, and Elijah Wood.  The adult cast isn't too shabby either, featuring Salma Hayek, Famke Janssen, Christopher McDonald, Bebe Neuwirth, and even Jon Stewart.

We've all thought our teachers were aliens at some point, right?  But unfortunately for the students at Herrington High School, the old adage is proving very true.  A parasite has been let loose among the school's faculty, and it's spread by inserting a little creature in through the ears of its hosts. 

After the faculty all becomes infected, they are set on spreading it amongst the students as well.  While others are tricked into "ear exams," a rogue group of students realizes what is going on and decides to fight back.  They are lead by second-year senior Zeke (Hartnett) who is considered a drugged out slacker, but excels in science and creating a concoction to defeat the faculty.  The ragtag group of rebels includes supergeek Casey (Wood), goth Stokely (DuVall), jock Stan (Hatosy), Southern belle Marybeth (Laura Harris), and head cheerleader Delilah (Brewster).  A battle ensues as the group confronts the affected...and each other.

This movie is a fun romp in the spirit of a really entertaining era for horror movies.  The mid-90s were a blast for teen-centric horror flicks and The Faculty is no exception.  Thank you, Robert Rodriguez and Kevin Williamson for another good and gory time.



photo source

Wilderness (2006)

I allowed my husband to pick a horror movie from our bursting-at-the-seams instant queue and this is what resulted.  I felt generally pretty meh about this movie.  I mean it had some cool things going on, but it's one of those movies that you pretty much forget about the minute the credits roll.

Wilderness comes to us from Britain, and is about a bunch of kids living in sort of a juvenile facility.  There are bullies, nerds, and weirdos, just as you would expect.  One boy in particular, Davie, is bullied quite severely and is subsequently depressed.  He commits suicide and the head of the institution blames the boys sharing his room.

As punishment, they are shipped off to a deserted island to practice their survival skills.  Of course, they are miserable about the whole thing until they come across some delinquent chicas who are also learning their lesson.  Although the responsible adult figures try to separate the sexes, they all find a way to cause trouble.

The other problem?  Adults and teenagers alike are being attacked at random by some mystery source and a pack of killer dogs.  Who is the killer?  And does it have something to do with the demise of their incarcerated brother?

This flick had some good gore and kill scenes but overall I was sort of uninterested.  I also really don't appreciate violence against animals, so that sort of turned me off as well.  So not awful, but pretty forgettable.



photo source

Chopping Mall (1986)

I love the mall.  Being from upstate New York, I worked at the mall on several different occasions and I remember all the delights and horrors that come with that place.  I especially love the mall in the 80s.  The 80s were just kind of a crazy time all around and that was really reflective in the mall.  Fashion was wild, Papa Gino's was a hot place to eat, and there were cookie stands instead of Auntie Anne's.

Chopping Mall is based on kind of a ludicrous premise, but that makes it all the more enjoyable.  Some security firm has created robots that can patrol the mall and "neutralize" any criminals that are robbing the mall after closing time.  Was this a rampant problem in 80s?  So much so that we needed to create special robots just for mall patrol.  You learn something new every day.

The robots are supposed to protect the workers at the mall by requiring identification and not taking them as criminals.  But something, seemingly to do with lightning, has gone terribly wrong and the robots are malfunctioning.  This wouldn't be a problem if the mall was empty, but there is a group of workers partying and sexing it up in a furniture store after hours.  When the robots find them, they go on the attack and attempt to pick them off one by one.

The story behind this movie was fun, and although the effects were not perfect, the deaths were pretty cool.  The music was at a Tangerine Dream-awesome level, that unfortunately stuck in my head after the movie ended.  The acting is truly 80s, complete with exaggerated everything, from facial expressions to screaming to that glorious crimped hair.

Chopping Mall is an original concept and a fun time.  Seeing the robots ride the escalator and flail their arms around like E.T. made my horror-hardened heart sing with glee.  Yay 80s!

photo source

The Roommate (2011)

Since I'm not really a fan of mainstream horror at all nowadays, I thought I would hate The Roomate.  But on the contrary, I really liked it.  Sure, it was sort of a direct ripoff of Single White Female (right down to the hotel seduction scene) but if you're going to re-make SWF, you might as well do it with Minka Kelly and Leighton Meester.

Minka Kelly is Sara Matthews, who goes off to college to be a fashion and design student.  Her roommate has not yet arrived, but she meets a bunch of cool friends in her dorm who take her out to a party.  They all get drunk, and this part confused me a bit, because what college freshman thinks there's UN-spiked punch at a frat party.  Morons. 

Sara wakes up with a wicked hangover to see that her roommate, Rebecca (Leighton Meester) has decided to make an appearance.  She's quiet, shy, and a non-partier, but has a closet full of designer clothes and seems nice enough.  Rebecca and Sara become friends, but soon learn that their interests diverge a bit.  While Sara wants to have fun, party, and bang a cute frat guy, Rebecca wants Sara all to her herself. 

Rebecca starts out by calling Sara a bunch of times when she's out with her boy toy, but things quickly escalate.  She involves Sara's friends, boyfriend, teacher, and even her poor helpless little kitten.  I found Rebecca to be seriously creepy, and Sara was the perfect unassuming roommate.  The backstory was solid, and normally I don't go for ripoffs, but I love Single White Female so much that I loved this too.  The violence against animals was totally unnecessary, and should have been skipped.  But overall, I thought The Roommate was a fun watch.

















photo source

Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever (2009)

Hate on hateerrrsss.  I liked Cabin Fever 2 so much that I'd watch it again.  After a really stressful week at work, I was looking for a garbage movie to take my mind off of things.  Cabin Fever 2 beckoned, and I ended up making a great choice.  Much like Cabin Fever before it, the sequel does not take itself too seriously, which is very important in the realm of B-horror.

Eli Roth wasn't involved in this one, but we get treated to Ti West instead.  Not too shabby.  Apparently both Roth and Adam Green were involved at one point, but due to drama over at Lions Gate, it got sent in an entirely different direction. 

We pick up right where we left off in Cabin Fever, when Paul was left to expire in a stream where a bottled water company was gathering their supply.  In Cabin Fever 2, the bottled water gets shipped off to a local high school where everyone is prepping for prom.  Of course they are unaware that a deadly skin disease is in store as they figure out their dates and outfits.

Just in case everyone wasn't drinking enough of the water on their own, someone makes punch for the dance with the infected water, and someone already infected urinates in it.  Did I lose you yet?  Ha.  Infected people are having sex with non-infected people, and after a short time, pretty much everyone is losing their skin.  When authorities get involved, the teens are left to battle the man, the disease, and each other.

This movie was gory, gross, and totally fun.  The skin disease was just as cringeworthy as the original, although it's a little hard to beat that shower scene.  Teenage drama + sex in high school bathrooms + shop tools being used for amputation = win. 

Random: 30 Day Horror Challenge Day 4

Today's question: What is your favorite werewolf movie?

This one is a cinch.  I've never been a big fan of werewolf movies, but Ginger Snaps is an exception.  Breaking away from the typical late 90s/early 00s slasher teen horror, Ginger Snaps took a whole different approach to werewolfs.  Not only did they attack wandering gentleman and Michael J. Fox, but now goth chicks on their period were open season.

There was so much going on in this flick, and the acting was pretty great for a bunch of teenagers and a modest budget.  The sisters interacted so well together, and the transformation from a depressed Morticia to a sex starved vixen was horror movie gold.

This movie also gives me warm fuzzy memories of my sister and I vegging on the couch on a lazy Sunday.  For some reason, Ginger Snaps was ALWAYS on the freakin' SciFi channel and we never missed it.

Random: 30 Day Horror Challenge Day 3

 Today's question: What is your favorite slasher movie?

I've love me some Sleepaway Camp.  So many awesome kills and a solid mystery as to what's going on, right up until the very end.  I guess this wouldn't be considered a typical slasher, but there is a sneaker being impaled by a bloody knife on the poster. Although it spawned numerous sequels, you can't really beat the first one.

Random: 30 Day Challenge Day 2

Today's question: What horror film do you relate the most to?

This is a tough one.  Although I love many horror movies, I don't really think about relating to them that much.  My love for horror began when I was in junior high.  I had a friend, and she and her sisters were obsessed with horror movies.  When we had sleepovers at her house, where we would stay up all night watching everything from Dream Warriors to The Exorcist.

After that, my sister got in on my love of horror.  On weekend nights where nothing was going on in our small town, we would stock up on B-movies and candy and have a horror marathon.  The late 90s to early 00s also brought the resurgence of teen horror movies.  Kicked off by Scream, we got such gems as I Know What You Did Last Summer and Urban Legend.

The Faculty was released in 1998, when I was a freshman in high school.  In order to see it in the theaters, my sister and I had to beg my mom to drive us to the mall, where we then bought tickets for something PG-13, and snuck into The Faculty.  At the age of 15, the thought of teachers being aliens was certainly not farfetched.  All the guys in the movie were so hot, and the girls were sporting the outfits we wished we were wearing. 

There were a lot of teenage movies I related to at that time (American Pie, anyone?) but The Faculty made its mark, and made me look at teachers even more weirdly than I already did.

photo source

Random: 30 Day Horror Challenge Day 1

I'm one day behind on this 30-Day Horror Challenge, but I'm going to catch up today.  These 30 Day things seem really big on Facebook, where all my teenage cousins seem to be doing them.  Yay, finally one for grown-ups.

Today's topic? A horror film that no one would expect you to love, but you do.

I was literally the only person that voted for When a Stranger Calls for Final Girl's Shocktober last year.  I did a lot of babysitting as a teenager, and babysitter movies always freaked me out to the core.  One of the creepiest parts about babysitting was going to check on the kids periodically, and I always had the sinking feeling I'd look in on them one night to find them gone.  Couple that with the fact that I am terrified of children from horror movies (I used to babysit a kid that was creepily similar to Gage from Pet Semetary) and you've got someone who would be afraid of a movie that involves Carol Kane.

Obviously the first 30 minutes of When a Stranger Calls is far superior to the rest of the movie, but I still think that scene in the restaurant at the end is bananas.  Also an awesome movie is the little-known When a Stranger Calls Back, a made-for-TV movies from the 90s that seriously gives me the willies.  I haven't seen it in years (after I lost the VHS that my sister and I taped off of television) so if someone can hook a sister up, let me know.

 photo source

Night of the Demons (1988)

Also on tap for the Monster Mania convention is a Night of the Demons reunion.  I haven't seen this movie in years, but this definitely made it worth a revisit. 

Night of the Demons is pure late 80s cheesiness at its finest.  Endless stereotypes, corny overacting, and over the top effects.  Also, of course, the story makes only vague sense, but wasn't that what the 80s was all about?

A group of high schoolers decide to ditch the Halloween dance and instead go party at an abandoned funeral home.  What is pumped up to be the party of the year ends up being only ten people, with some stolen food and a boombox.  Every stereotype possible is represented in this movie, including virginal goody two-shoes Judy (Cathy Podewell), token black guy Rodger (Alvin Alexis), token Asian gal Frannie (Jill Terashita), resident slut Suzanne (Linnea Quigley), fat sexist pig Stooge (Hal Havins), ditzy Helen (Allison Baron), guido Sal (Billy Gallo) and goth outcast Angela (Amelia Kinkade).

Everyone is drinking and having a blast when they decide to play some sort of crazy mirror game.  Somebody sees a demon/ghoul/aberration/whatever and flips out.  Helen and Rodger decide to split, while some of the couples take off to "explore" (each other, ha!)  One by one, the teenagers get possessed by demons, resulting in gore and hilarity.  The effects in this one were really fun and it was chock-full of the one liners that made the 80s so awesome. 

I'm excited to see the actors at the upcoming con, and I may even consider checking out the remake ;)

photo source

Chain Letter (2010)

I've been looking forward to seeing this flick, although I was not too sure what to expect from it.  The subject of email chain letters is less than timely, as I think the popularity of those peaked several years ago.  Nevertheless, that is the subject of Chain Letter.  The nerdy brother of the high school princess receives a chain letter while playing World of Warcraft.  In order to irritate his sister, who is trying to force him off of the computer, he forwards the chain letter to her and her friends.

The letter states that if you don't forward the message to five people, then you will die.  While some of the teens laugh it off and delete it, others don't want to take their chances and forward it along.  Of course, this results in dozens of high schoolers receiving the chain letter.  Unfortunately, due to some sort of bug in the chain letter, the sender(s) can tell when the email has been ignored or deleted.  And what happens to the poor saps that don't forward it on?  They get killed, using, you guessed it...chains!

I thought the deaths were pretty awesome, and they were probably the highlight of this movie.  There was some considerable actors in this flick - Brad Dourif, Keith David, Betsy Russell, and Nikki Reed, but save for a relatively cool premise and some badass death scenes, this one was pretty forgettable.  The ending was pretty unclear....although I kind of got where they were headed with the anti-technology group, their methods made zero sense.  Obviously, they're trying to bank in advance by immediately setting it up for a Chain Letter 2, but let's hope they never get around to making that.

photo source

Boot Camp (2008)

I have to admit, I actually really liked this movie.  The promo shots and cover art make it look pretty cheesy, but it was a good flick.  I love Mila Kunis, and Dino Velvet from 8MM is the drill sergeant/protagonist.  Score!

Mila Kunis is Sophie, a spoiled rich bitch who lives to piss off her mom and stepdad since her father passed away.  She throws fits in stores, embarrasses her mom in front of guests, drinks, does drugs, etc.  Her boyfriend is Ben (Gregory Smith).  She confides in him about her hatred for her stepdad and begs him to marry her so that she can get the F out of there.  Just as they begin to discuss this, Sophie is dragged away by a couple beefcake guys into the night.

When she comes to, she's on a crappy boat headed for a remote island in Fiji.  She's with other people, including one poor guy who is detoxing from a heroin addiction.  They get to the island, where they get filled in on what's going on.  Their parents think they are problem children and therefore they have been sent to the Serenity (ha!) Camp to get help.  They spend their first night chained to a cement block as the tide comes in, nearly drowning them. 

The next morning, the head of the camp, Dr. Hail (Peter Stormare) comes to pick them up and explain how the camp works.  You start out wearing a black shirt, which means that you are the lowest on the totem pole.  You can then get promoted to yellow and then white.  Once you have your white shirt, you're on the road to getting the fuck out of there.  The whole process takes about two years.

It doesn't take long for Sophie to realize that this place totally sucks ass.  The participants (inmates?) are worked like dogs, fed barely anything, sleep in the elements, and are constantly abused by staff and fellow campers.  Apparently this is all part of Dr. Hail's philosophy of rehabilitation.  Luckily for Sophie, Ben finds a way to get into the camp, but will they be able to escape?

I just really liked this movie.  It was a new concept, and it's fairly timely as many of these "boot camps" and "rehab camps" have been under investigation.  I actually just saw an episode of Intervention the other day where the person was all messed up because of the couple of years she had spent in a Jamaican "reform camp."  This hasn't really been addressed in horror before and I thought this flick was interesting and exciting.  I recommend.

House of Fears (2007)

My husband is not a big fan of horror movies, but he especially hates the cheesy B-movies that I live for.  House of Fears has glorious horror garbage written all over this spastic poster/DVD cover and I cannot wait to watch it.  I love Funhouse and I'm hoping this will be much like it, although they probably can't pull off that laughing fat lady and the crazy Frankenstein guy.  That's Tobe Hooper's territory. 

We begin in Africa, where some excavators dig up some haunted relics that cause them all to die an untimely death.  Some time later, one of the relics gets mailed to the House of Fears, a haunted house in Oregon.  A bitchy chick (Hailey) drags her stepsister (Samantha) to a house party full of stereotypical douchebag guys.  The sisters hook up with a couple of dates (rightfully named Zane and Carter) and pick up another couple (Candice and Devon) and they head over to the House of Fears for a pre-Halloween sneak preview.

They break in (sort of, because they have keys) and start exploring the haunted house.  They, too, find and touch the freaky relic but it does not cause their immediate demise.  However, it does make the electronic residents of the haunted house come to life.  Dun dun dunnnnn.  The teenagers are generally having fun, fooling around, playing tricks, switching dates...you know, typical high school stuff.  But when the haunted house comes alive, it becomes a fight for their lives!  (I could really write the copy for these low-budget flicks)  They're each faced with their worst fears, one of which is a scarecrow.  Seriously?  Anyway, I think we've seen the "dying from your fears" plot working a little better than it does here.  They spend the last portion of the movie running around the haunted house like chickens with their heads cut off and it gets a bit tiresome.

This is a pretty predictable horror movie overall.  There's actually very little gore, and the cheesy characters get kind of annoying after awhile.  I really wish that low budget movies would start going outside the casting box a little.  Once again, we're stuck with the formula of the cute/shy girl and the jock hero, the sex kitten and her token black boyfriend, the bitchy chick that no one wants to date, and the loud-mouthed dork chasing all the girls.  Would it take too much to think of a group of teenagers beyond this structure?  If you want to see kids stuck in a ride/haunted house, see Funhouse.  And even The Fun Park and Dark Ride is better than this flick. 

An Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

I've really been trying to be an objective horror movie reviewer lately and trying not to write things off as total crap before I even see them.  I believed in my mind that the NOES remake would be a pile of steaming garbage just on principle but I very honestly sat down with an open mind and tried to like this movie.

This movie was so completely horrible.  There is a reason that all of the posters show Freddy with his head down or from far away.  That is because Jackie Earle Haley as Freddy looks like a freakin' alien from outer space.  Seriously, that's the only way I can describe it.  I hated how he delivered the classic Freddy phrases with such a deadpan inflection.  It just bothered me so much that they took a classic character with a distinctive personality, which has always been played by the same actor, and made him basically a parody of himself.

Let's start from the beginning.  The remake had the same general cast of characters.  A bunch of teenagers, including Nancy (played by Rooney Mara this time) are having difficulty sleeping, nightmares about a creeper in a striped sweater, etc.  A friend dies, which leads Nancy to discover a childhood photo in which she is present.  However, she does not remember meeting this person until high school.  She does some digging and finds out that she and her friends have more in common than they realized.

I will admit that I did appreciate the backstory in this version of NOES.  I found it to be interesting and fairly well-explained.  It also kind of answered the question we all were probably always thinking, which was whether or not Freddy was also a child molester.  It was also a nice tie-in when they figured out how they knew each other.

However, there were just too many other flaws.  Even if I could pretend Robert Englund/real Freddy never existed, JEH's portrayal of the character was just awful.  Zero personality and a voice that was annoying as hell.  The acting wasn't 80s cheesy, it was just downright freakin' awful.  The dream sequences and general order of the story were spastic at best.  They used the classic/awesome lines and scenes from the original NOES  and made them ridiculous.

I just really couldn't stand this movie and I am just so tired of remakes.  Hollywood, horror fans beg of you, make some original movies!

The Blob (1988)

This movie was pure cheesy 80s goodness.  I'm usually such a basher of remakes, but I thought this was fun and gory, just like I like my 80s horror to be ;o)

The Blob is the story of a small town which is taken over by a strange blob-like creature.  The entity is set loose by an old man who sees a falling star/meteor that lands near him.  He pokes it with a stick and out comes the blob.  As it turns out, this was a little government experiment gone awry and this town is in some big trouble.

Meg Penny (Shawnee Smith) and Paul Taylor (Donovan Leitch) are out on a nice little date when they nearly run down the old dude in the road.  They take him to the hospital, where he quickly begins to disenegrate (see above)  By now, the shit is on and the blob is soaking up people left and right.  After Paul gets sucked in, Meg and town bad boy Brian (Kevin Dillon) are forced to battle the creature on their own.

This was a fun movie with all the requisite 80s effects and corniness that you could ask for.  I picked this up for my Bill Moseley movie project, and sadly, the man himself only appears for about 3 minutes towards the end.  Bummer on that front.

Bill Moseley appearance time: 1 hour and 14 minutes in as a seriously freaked out soldier