Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)

I feel like it's a really fun fact to know that Paul Rudd's big screen debut was in Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, also known as Halloween 6 and Halloween 666.  But instead of being known for the premiere of Paul Rudd's sexiness (he would follow this movie up with the much-more-popular Clueless) the sixth installment of the Halloween franchise was plagued with reshoots, horrible editing, and everyone hating everyone by the end of the production.

The first crappy decision I noticed about this movie is that someone else is playing THE Jamie Lloyd, not Danielle Harris.  Apparently they refused to pay her the $5K she asked for the movie, so they replaced her with J.C. Brandy.  NOT COOL.  Basically, it's several years after Jamie Lloyd's disappearance with Michael, and she has been impregnated, and is giving birth in some sketchy basement.  She attempts escape, running to a bus station and calling a local radio station (?!?!) begging Doctor Loomis for help.  Hmmm, a deserted bus station...probably not the best place to be safe from Michael Myers. Anddd, adios Jamie.  If you were Danielle Harris, maybe you would have lived.

Meanwhile, a new family has moved into the old Myers house.  Tommy Doyle (Paul Rudd!), the kid that Laurie babysat in the original Halloween, is living across the street, and is a little crazypants.  He is convinced that Michael still walks the earth, and is quite excited when he hears Jamie Lloyd on the radio.  This compels him to track her to the bus station, where apparently no one has noticed that there is BLOOD EVERYWHERE, and a baby in a closet in the bathroom.  No worries, though, because Tommy will just take care of the baby.

The woman that lives in the Myers house with her mean parents is Kara, and she has a creepy kid named Daniel.  When her mom finds out that they are living in the Myers house so close to Halloween, she flips and moves out.  The dad just gets drunk.  Kara takes her kid and holes up with Tommy.  Dr. Loomis tries to help, but his involvement is a bit choppy.  Apparently much of this is due to the fact that the director of this installment found Donald Pleasance's scenes "boring" and cut a lot of them.

Surrounding this story is a druid-like cult, who are apparently somehow involved with Michael Myers, and some associated children.  They also perform surgeries.  The cult part really confused me and I was having a hard time keeping track with what was going on with that.  The standard Michael-stalking-and-people-dying ensues, and we're set up for another sequel, because, come on, we can't wrap up the Halloween franchise without the return of Jamie Lee, and the addition of Tyra Banks and LL Cool J. 

Halloween: Resurrection (2002)

Seriously, at what point in time was it okay to put Jamie Lee Curtis, Busta Rhymes, and Tyra Banks in the same movie?  Laurie Strode has been in the mental hospital for years, but is now cheeking her meds in some sort of attempt to escape.  Or confront her brother that she thought she killed but didn't.  Isn't the entire basis of the Halloween franchise "thinking" you killed Michael, but that ending up being untrue?  After numerous movies, we should know this.

Halloween H20 was a pretty sweet movie that marked the return of Jamie Lee Curtis to the Halloween movies.  Apparently they used the somewhat success of LL Cool J in that movie to book Busta and Tyra for this one.  Not sure I would have drawn that conclusion, but okay.  Resurrection picks up three years after H20 left off, and of course, Michael's back.  This time, his mask looks seriously jacked.  What happened to the hair? 

SO many random actors in this movie, including Katie Sackhoff, Sean Patrick Thomas, and Thomas Ian Nicholas.  Apparently some people owed the casting director a favor.  You know someone was all, "Jamie Lee Curtis is in this movie...you're totally going to be nominated for a Golden Globe or something!"  Wow, I'm snarkier than usual tonight.  I'm a little hangry waiting for my Thai food to arrive.

So Busta and Tyra create an internet reality show where a bunch of college kids "investigate" the Myers house for clues to the murders.  Knowing that some students wandering around a house won't make for compelling TV, they rig the house with various scare tactics and even dress someone up as Michael Myers.  However, the real Michael is there and clearly he's just going to kill off these suckers one by one. 

The kills are classic Myers, which is never too original.  Lots of stabbings and beheadings, with people hung from various doors and stuck in closets.  There's lot of shaky cam in this due to the "reality show" premise of the whole thing.  All in all, this wasn't the piece of shit I was led to believe, although it certainly wasn't the best in the franchise.  Plus we get to experience all kinds of early 2000s nostaglia from PDAs to Survivor references.  And quite enjoyably, we get treated to the memorable line, "Trick or Treat, motherfucker." (Thanks, Mr. Rhymes!)  Horror movies are such a classy institution ;)

Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)

I'll admit I had serious ulterior motives for bumping Halloween 4 up to the top of my Netflix queue.  I desperately wanted my banner to be a picture of Danielle Harris as a child dressed as little Michael Myers.  No amount of googling could help me find a picture big enough.  So I had to get it on Netflix, McGuyver my way around Apple's stupid restrictions about taking screen shots of DVDs, and finally, I had my banner.  And also watched the movie, but apparently that was secondary in my mind.

It's 10 years after Michael's arrival in Haddonfield and he's been strapped to the bed in some mental institution. The doctors feel him to be completely disabled, but we all know that Michael just does that in order to save strength for his imminent escape.  Meanwhile, back in Haddonfield, Laurie Strode's daughter, Jamie Lloyd lives on.  She is sad and misses her parents, and currently lives with her aunt and uncle, and her cousin Rachel.

Rachel is busy dating guys that work at discount stores and wearing mom jeans, and she's not too interested in an insomniac little girl that she has to cancel dates in order to babysit.  And that's exactly what happens on Halloween.  Rachel is forced to take Jamie to the store to get a costume, where she strangely enough picks one of a clown, identical to Michael's childhood getup. 

Of course adult Michael is traipsing his way back to Haddonfield, taking out everyone in his path on the search for his niece, Jamie.  Dr. Loomis, looking a little worse for the wear, learns of the escape and tries to beat Michael back to his hometown and rescue little Jamie.  There's a supernatural element to this as well, as throughout the movie, Jamie is having visions and dreams of Michael, although she couldn't possibly have any idea who he was/is.

This is a solid installment in the Halloween franchise, and many feel it makes up for the craziness of Halloween 3.  Although Danielle Harris is obviously successful in the horror world, watching this movie made me wonder why she never went Hollywood like Drew Barrymore.  She was a damn good child actress and cute as hell to boot.  Well, I'm glad that our genre got her instead of romantic comedies.  Hail to the scream queen!

Halloween: H20 (1998)

Oooooh, 1998 Josh Hartnett was yummy, wasn't he?  He was 20 then (I checked IMDB) so it's okay to think that.  LL Cool J also appears, and while he's not in Doin' It shape, he still looks pretty sexy.

Also, any movie that involves both luring and escaping from killers in a dumbwaiter is always a great time.  I mean, when else does the dumbwaiter get play?  Is it time for a list on this subject?  I digress.

I don't like the look of Michael Myers in this sequel.  I can't put my finger on it, but something just strikes me as odd. But seriously, what perfect storm came together to not only have Jamie Lee Curtis back, but several other stars in an innocuous Halloween sequel.

We all know that the subsequent Halloweens kind of drifted all over the place, and Michael Myers just kept getting shot and never stayed dead.  I guess by 1998 we all just decided to accept that, and it seems totally normal that not only has Michael stayed alive for 20 years, but he's in good enough shape to go stalking his grown sister, Laurie.  There are several 90s-era stars involved in said stalking, and we get 90 glorious minutes of beautiful people running around screaming. 

This is actually an impressive Halloween sequel, and I've always liked this one.  There's the typical Michael Myers-esque stalking suspense, which always leads to some jump scares and a good time.  This one could have been totally lame, but I like the way it turned out.  Michael Myers lives, bitches.

Movie News: Halloween 2 Director's Cut

We all know my feelings on Rob Zombie's disastrous film, Halloween 2.  Although I've been a huge fan of his films and music for years, I absolutely abhorred the ridiculous mess that was his most recent release.

However, Rob has tempted me with a promise of a director's cut of Halloween 2 that is completely different from the original.

Says Zombie:

“There is another version of the movie that’s very, very different..Laurie Strode’s character is the main difference…(In the theatrical) She’s holding it together, getting her life together and it starts spiraling downward. In the other version, she’s an incredible mess and gets worse. She never has any good moments, she’s just messed up, she’s lashing out at everyone, she’s horrible. Messed up on drugs, she’s just completely spun out through the whole movie. It makes for a real challenging movie to watch and I feel like I don’t know if fans would’ve embraced so much darkness.”

He also claims that Laurie and Annie's relationship is akin to cat-fighting in the alternate version.  Interesting.  I don't really understand this....did the studio not allow him to release this messed-up version of the movie that's possibly better?  Or is he just trying to get people like me who hated the first version to give it another chance?

Well, anyway, I've rushed to the store on release date to buy every Zombie movie released, but he's not going to get me this time.  It's on the top of my Netflix queue (on Blu-Ray, woooo!) and if this director's cut is truly the movie's saving grace, then he'll get my $20.  However, deep down I feel that if he doesn't lose the whole ghost-mom storyline and douchebag Dr. Loomis, I'm probably still going to hate it.

Halloween II (2009)

It makes me truly sad to type these words. Rob Zombie, you have betrayed my complete and unwavering obsession with you. Halloween II was one of the worst horror movies I've ever seen.

I loved House of 1000 Corpses and The Devil's Rejects. I worshipped RZ's "reimagining" of Halloween. I've constantly glorified his gritty vibe, odes to the grindhouse genre, and use of the same actors in his movies.

I stalked this movie on the internet from the moment I heard it was being made. I tried to understand the reason to recast Daeg Faerch. (growth spurt -- that makes sense, right?) I defended Rob's decision to include Sheri in this movie, although she had died so clearly in the first one. I rejoiced in the fact that we might see a glimpse of Michael's face! My sister and I watched the remake yet again in order to be fully prepared for Halloween II's upcoming release.

As a true and dedicated fan of both Rob Zombie, and the horror genre, I really tried to like this movie. I bit my tongue against the rude comments that I wanted to blurt out in the theater. I attempted to contain my giggles as fellow movie-goers laughed openly at scenes that were supposed to be scary.

Let's start from the beginning. Young Michael is in the asylum with his mother. He explains that he dreamed of her, dressed as a ghost and walking with a white horse. Of course, this is a setup for the godawful ghost storyline to follow. The recast of child Michael is painfully obvious and I wonder if Daeg just didn't want to do the sequel.


Cut to poor Laurie stumbling down the street covered in blood and gripping a gun for dear life. The sheriff's car pulls up, and she's transported to the hospital. She screams and writhes in the stretcher to migraine-inducing effect. The doctors perform vomit-inducing surgery which makes it clear that Zombie has been taking ill-advised cues from Saw sequels.



Back to sleepy Haddonfield, and they're packing up Michael's corpse. It takes six guys to put him in the truck, and we get it, he's big. Two goons joking about necrophilia transport the body down a deserted highway, yet their mission is thwarted by a wayward cow (of all things) Michael predictably escapes and kills the drivers.



Laurie wakes up in a hospital room and wanders around. You would think there would be someone working there to stop her, but there's just the cliched chatty nurses who are dispensed with quickly. Michael is here (of course) and chases Lori outside into the pouring rain. She stumbles around and hides in some sort of security post. She encounters a bumbling security guard who is predictably no help. She then wakes up screaming from the first of many dream sequences. Yep, it was all a dream.


It's a year after the initial incident, and Laurie is now living with the sheriff and her friend Annie (his daughter) and keeping the whole house up at night with her screaming. In this flick, Zombie has taken the trailer-trash aspect way overboard. Sure, graffiti and Charles Manson posters made sense for the Fireflys, but for two high school students living with the county sheriff? We're supposed to believe that Laurie has turned into an angst ridden teen post-Michael attack and death of her parents, but she just appears to be a cookie-cutter goth wannabe wearing ripped tights and working at a failing independent coffee shop. It may be failing as the girls working there seem only to be interested in partying and being emo, and not actually serving any sort of beverages.

Laurie is getting psychological treatment, but it doesn't seem to be working. She assures the shrink that she knows Michael will not come back just because of a holiday. But of course, with Halloween quickly approaching, Michael has different plans. The year has been tough on him, and now he's just a wandering hobo who looks sort of like an overgrown Rob Zombie. Our only clue to how he's been able to live through this year is some rednecks who inform us that he has been hanging out on their property. He's also apparently eating animals...raw. Including dogs. Way to up the vomit factor, Mr. Zombie.

As Michael wanders around Illinois slashing everything in sight, he is visited constantly by a child version of himself and a ghost version of his mother leading a large white horse. A la Mrs. Voorhees, Michael's mother instructs him to kill kill kill and find his sister in time for Halloween. Let me just interject by saying that I'm a huge fan of Sheri Moon Zombie. I think she's a good actress and I have no problem with Rob putting her in all of his movies. However, I think jamming a role that obviously doesn't fit in this movie, just so that she can be in it is ridiculous. The ghost storyline was stupid and annoying and made no sense with the re-cast young Michael. He was not creepy and looked like a kid I would babysit or something. Meanwhile, Michael's murder scenes are just over the top. The stabbing and beating noises are unnaturally loud and the grunting that accompanies it just sounds weird and awkward.
The transformation of Dr. Loomis in this movie was another sad point. Zombie turned Loomis from a caring professional looking to protect the world from Michael, into a greedy money-hungry douchebag who tells the whole world who Laurie is without warning her first. We suffer through scenes of him screaming at assistants, freaking out at book signings, and going on a talk show with Weird Al. None of this made sense to the overall movie and I was embarassed for him being stuck in this role.
The only redeeming actors in this movie are Danielle Harris (Annie) and Sheriff Brackett (Brad Dourif). And I'm sure you can guess what happens to them. We're left watching Laurie run around in a torn Magenta costume sobbing, squealing, and swearing excessively. The much-awaited joining of Michael and Laurie occurs in the final scene of the movie and is just about as anti-climatic and nonsensical as you would expect at this point. Zombie was looking for the shock value in the final two shots, but all I heard in the theater was laughter. It becomes obvious that he replaced Daeg Faerch not because of a growth spurt, but so the new actor would look more like Laurie for the ridiculous Psycho rip-off shot at the end.
Halloween 2 was basically two hours of excessive and farfetched gore, terribly misguided visits from ghosts, unnecessary and constant use of the f-word, and Scout Taylor-Compton whining and screaming through Haddonfield.
Rob Zombie, you have fans like me who typically love your work. Go home and watch House of 1000 Corpses and The Devil's Rejects. Get inspired and realize what made you love horror in the first place. Please stop being a Hollywood sell-out and doing crappy remakes. Give the job of remaking The Blob to someone else. I'm not going to be able to stomach seeing Sheri and Scout as a mother-daughter stripper team running from some green goo. Come on, get it together, buddy.

Movie News: Rob Zombie's H2

I will admit that I have one flaw in my objective horror movie watching and judging. That flaw is that in my eyes, Rob Zombie could do no wrong. I've already slammed the Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th remakes this year, but I have absolutely no problem with RZ "re-imagining" any franchise he damn well pleases. I just love him and everything he does. There, I feel better with that off my chest ;o)

That said, the sequel to the remake of Halloween starts filming next month and is set for release in August. Tyler Mane and Scout-Taylor Compton seem to be on board, and besides that, pretty much every died from the original movie. Zombie has confirmed that this is not a remake of Halloween 2, but will continue directly from the end of his last movie. More news as it becomes available.

Also! Shamless promotion: check out Sherri Moon Zombie's fashion line, Total Skull, if you're into that kind of stuff. Love it ;o)