Movie News: Offspring Sequel - The Woman

This one has really flown under the radar...it doesn't even have an IMDB page yet.  I'm a HUGE Jack Ketchum fan and I'm really excited for this.  Ketchum has been penning a book, The Woman, which picks up right where Offspring left off.  It will be released on hardcover in January 2011.

In addition, Lucky McKee has teamed up to work with Angela Bettis, Sean Bridgers, and Polyanna McIntosh on the movie version.  Now I wasn't the biggest fan of the movie version of Offspring but I loved the book  So I am looking forward to see how this particular movie turns out with some new drivers at the wheel.

Production begins next month in Massachusetts.  They actually had plans to shoot in the Offspring location of Muskegon, Michigan, but the state told them no freakin' way.

Here's the synopsis from Dread Central:

"The Woman is the last surviving member of a feral clan that has roamed the Northeast Coast for decades. When the last of her family is killed in a battle with the police, The Woman finds herself alone, severely wounded and vulnerable. Unfortunately, she is now a far too easy prey for local hunter, successful country lawyer and seriously disturbed family man Christopher Cleek. With his twisted set of ideals, Cleek decides to embark upon a deranged project - to capture her and "break" The Woman - a decision that will soon threaten the lives of Cleek, his family and The Woman."



More to come as filming begins!

photo source: http://www.dreadcentral.com/img/news/jun10/woman.jpg

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

The weekend of awesome remakes continues at casa de Scream Queen.  Next up, we have The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.  Honestly, this is one of my favorite horror remakes.  I know, I shouldn't love a butchering of a classic, starring Jessica Biel, no less, but this is a pretty good flick.

The premise is the same as the original -- a bunch of good-looking twenty-somethings are on a road trip through rural Texas.  Except this time, they're coming from Mexico and headed for a Skynard concert, not checking on Grandpa's corpse.  We also don't have a Franklin in this one, much to my relief.

Furthermore, this little group of wanderers does not happen upon an abandoned house because it's their grandfather's.  On the contrary, they have a little suicide mishap in their car and get directed to a "meeting spot" with the sheriff.  I understand that this was the 70s and everyone was pretty laid back, but if someone ever told me to drive to an abandoned house with a dead body in my car to meet up with law enforcement, I would say no. freakin. way.

So, as you would expect, the middle of nowhere is not a good place for a rendevous, especially when you run into a creepy little mutant kid and then decide to split up.  Not a good plan for anyone involved.  All goes to hell after this, with us getting a little background on Leatherface (skin disease) and a random storyline about a stolen baby (never quite understood that one)

This movie is definitely more gory and fast-paced than the original, but lacks the overall creepiness of the 1974 version.  Definitely an awesome remake though.
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The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)

Some horror fans think this movie is boring and lame.  I disagree.  I love this movie.  It spawned so many other ripoffs/homages/however you want to put it, including one of my personal favorites, The House of 1000 Corpses.  The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a true classic.  Filmed in a month in the blazing Texas summer heat, the movie used little-known actors and a teeny tiny budget.  In fact, Gunnar Hansen, the actor who played Leatherface had to wear the same shirt for every day of filming.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a story of a group of 20-somethings headed into rural Texas.  There's young and pretty Sally, wheelchair-bound Franklin, Sally's boyfriend Jerry, and couple Kirk and Pam.  The purpose of their trip is to see if Sally and Franklin's dead grandfather was the victim of some recent grave-robbings.  When they find out that his corpse is safe and sound, they decide to head over the grandpa's old property to check it out.  On the way, they pick up a super-creepy hitchhiker and have to stop for gas at a creepy roadside stand, only to find out that their is no gas.  Once they arrive at the house, they play around a bit and eventually get separated.

Unfortunately, Franklin's limitations are kind of holding up the whole getting-away-in-a-hurry part, and Sally becomes frustrated as she tries to find her friends.  The local weirdos, including Leatherface himself, use the opportunity of them all being separated to catch their prey.  This whole movie illicits such a creepy and eerie vibe that no amount of special effects can create.  The dinner scene is especially spooky.

The only thing that sort of bugs me about this movie is the Franklin character.  I'm fine with the fact that he's in a wheelchair (although that does nothing but slow the group down) but he's just all whiny and annoying and doesn't serve much of a purpose in terms of a character.  Awesome movie, definite horror classic.



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The Hills Have Eyes (2006)

The future hubs and I are currently busy putting together the invites for our wedding (two months, eeek!)  So this is going to be a weekend full of movies we've already seen but I've never written reviews about.  It's also the weekend of awesome remakes.  Anyone who knows me/reads this blog knows that I am a bigtime whiner about remakes.  Don't ruin a classic, come up with your own idea blah blah blah.  However, there are some pretty badass remakes out there and The Hills Have Eyes  is one of them.

The cover to this movie is stupid and therefore I will represent the awesomeness of this flick with a shot of Big Brain (see left)  He is the creepiest mutant in the movie and way better than any of the promo shots.  The remake actually follows the originally pretty closely.  There's some differences in plot points, but all in all, it remains true to Craven's original vision.  The one thing I really like about this remake is the transformation of the "hill people" into radioactive mutants instead of just weirdos with a taste for humans.  I like reasoning behind things.  That's probably why I liked Rob Zombie's Halloween and everyone else hated it.

The Hills Have Eyes is the story of a family driving to California (the remake is set in present day, as opposed to the 1970s).  Some spikes on the road cause them to crash the car and trailer and be stranded in the middle of the desert, miles from civilization.  Little do they know that they are being closely watched by cannibalisitic mutants chilling out in a nearby bomb testing site.  Pops takes off for the nearest gas station for help, while the hipster son-in-law peaces in the other direction.  Both of these things were obviously horrible ideas and do not end well.  When the mutants approach the family's trailer, all goes to hell and the battle begins.

The makeup and special effects in this movie were killer, although I do prefer the actors/actresses from the original version.  There was one thing that confused me about this movie though (maybe someone could clarify)  Big Brain explains that when the government forced them out of their houses, they hid in the mines during the bomb tests.  Nuclear testing began in the 1950s.  This movie is set in the 2000s (they mention cell phones several times)  Anyone that "hid" (including freak pictured above) would have to be in their 80s at this time.  I feel like there was a continuation/timing issue with that.  Anyway, I know it's nitpicky.  This movie is great, even though the original still holds up.

The Hills Have Eyes (1977)

A lot of people don't realize that Wes Craven was really running shit before the days of Nightmare on Elm Street.  The Hills Have Eyes  and The Last House on the Left came way before then and are arguably comparable movies to NOES.

The Hills Have Eyes is about a family traveling to California in an RV.  They stop at a hick gas station and ask directions to an old silver mine.  The proprietor tells them to stay away (that would be your first clue) but they insist.  Predictably, they get lost and run out of gas, and are in the range of crazed desert cannibals.

They set up camp having no idea that they are now the hunted.  The middle-aged dad/grandpa takes off for the gas station which is probably not the best plan.  The rest set up camp and chill out.  In fact, they're so relaxed about this situation (gotta love the 70s) that one couple takes off for the station wagon to make whoopie.

Meanwhile, the cannibals have other plans.  They've zeroed in on the RV and are psyched to know that it not only contains several adults and food, but the most prized cannibal treat, a BABY.  They swarm in, while the younger members of the fam attempt to strike back.  Humans vs. Cannibals cage match ensues.

This is definitely a classic.  I'm sure horror fans are wondering how I felt about the remake.  I've never reviewed it, but I should give it another watch.  I saw it in the theaters when it first came out and I can say that I did like the special effects and backstory regarding the radiation.  That was badass.  But I do get turned off at the sight of the same generic screaming teenagers and their nonsense.  You can't replicate Dee Wallace or Michael Berryman.
  
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Wrong Turn (2003)

They really broke the bank on the casting budget for this movie.   Apparently determined to get the hottest twenty-somethings possible to be ripped apart by deformed cannibals, we've got Desmond Harrington (Chris), Eliza Dushku (Jessie), Emmanuele Chirqui (Carly), and Jeremy Sisto (Scott).

Chris is a doctor running late for an interview when he hits a major traffic jam.  Determined to find a way around the disaster, he backs up a few miles to a backwoods gas station to ask for directions.  Deterred by the hick proprietor, he quickly consults a map and decides to take a swing down Bear Mountain Road and get back onto the highway past the wreck.  Unfortunately,  he crashes into another car full of twenty-somethings stranded because of a flat tire.  Now we've got six hotties stuck in the woods of West Virginia, dumb as shit and fresh out of PowerBars.

The four main characters take off for the useless gas station while the two actors apparently not crucial to the movie stay behind and smoke pot.  We all can guess what happens to them and we get our first glimpse of the results of inbreeding and why the people of West Virginia hate stereotypes.

The merry band of wanderers comes upon a cabin where they feel there might be a phone.  And the one girl, Carly, who is obviously a few eggs short of the dozen decides it would be a good place to use the bathroom.  I despise the insinuation that women would rather use a bathroom in a random filthy backwoods cabin than just go outside.  Not only does she insist on finding the bathroom in this Deliverance-style residence but then pokes through the cabinets and such before actually doing what she came there for.

Predictably enough, there's no phone, just body parts and filth, and the deformed inbreds arrive home in the truck from Rest Stop before dipshit Carly has emerged from the bathroom.  The group splits up and hides while watching their friend from the car get prepared for a buffet.  After a fairly intelligent escape attempt, we realize it couldn't be that easy, or the movie would be over.  We get treated to a pretty fast-moving 40 minutes of the crew being chased over the mountains and through the woods. The freakin' inbreds are like gremlins though...they keep multiplying and I'll be damned if I can keep track of how many there were. 

This movie was like Hills Have Eyes + Texas Chainsaw + Deliverance.  Predictable at times, but worth a watch, especially for those who want to see Eliza kicking the shit out of mutants while wearing a wife-beater ;o)

Season of the Hunted (2004)

Sue me, I picked this out of the 4 for $20 rack at Blockbuster. Seriously, that's my favorite place to get awesomely bad horror movies. The tagline "Are You Game?" makes this sound like a Saw sequel, but on the contrary, we've got five dude on a man-cation walking into a cannibal trap. Fun!

We open up with some horrible cinematography, lame synthesizer music, and a blurry sex scene. They're really setting the tone for a scare-fest here. So the star of our story, Steve, is planning a post-9/11 (no idea why they specify this) bowhunting trip. His military buddy, Frank, is a little reluctant, but they get all five guys together and peace upstate.

I am psyched to see that the location of the movie is actually realistic. The man-crew cruises up the Northway (in upstate New York) and gets off at Lake George/Diamond Point. (Holla, I used to hang out all summer there) They meet their guide and head over to the so-called lodge. These dudes are unreasonably excited to be shooting innocent animals. Unfortunately, the people in the lodge are a bunch of upstate NY hick stereotypes...we're not like that, I swear!

We've got a bunch of middle aged guys playing poker and drinking PBR and as it turns out, these people do not have a bathroom or a phone. This whole thing just spells disaster. The soundtrack is all early 90s angst rock, and I can't figure out if it is ridiculous or perfectly suited to this movie.

So in the AM, our esteemed crew suits up and heads out for some good ol' hunting. The natives and the tourists split up, and not so surprisingly, the hunters become the hunted! We've got the boys from New Yawk Citay on one side and the corn-fed hicks from upstate on the other. And I haven't seen bows and arrows used as weapons in a horror movie in a LONG time. Well played, sirs, well played.

We've got a twelve-man game of cat and mouse as they run around the woods and split up for the cannibals' benefit. Frank, the military vet is such a badass, except for all of the weird Vietnam flashbacks which are just confusing and have nothing to do with the movie. There's some hacking of bodies for dinner consumption that you haven't seen since the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

However, the transisitions from scene to sense are weird and random. They skip whole parts of the plot --for example, a guy goes from sitting next to a tree to being tied up to it in a mere camera turn. Honestly, the story is really good and the movie could have been decent. But it lacked in production value and acting chops in the worst way, and unfortunately even campiness couldn't have rescued this flick.