Sunday, December 1, 2019

Darlin (2019)

OMG The Woman was so awesome, right?  I almost forgot they were making a sequel!  I saw it when scrolling through Prime Video and I am pumped! Let's backtrack to The Woman real quick, and be reminded [SPOILERS] that The Woman took Darlin', the youngest daughter of the family, with her when she left the house, along with Socket, and oldest daughter Peggy, who appeared to follow the group. 

Darlin' was directed by Pollyanna McIntosh, who played The Woman in the first film, and is more recently known for her role as Jadis in The Walking Dead.  In perhaps a little nod to such, Cooper Andrews from TWD almost immediately appears in this movie as a nurse at the hospital where Darlin' is admitted after being hit by an ambulance.  The Woman watches from afar and murders a local homeless man. 

While her entrance into the hospital/general society seems intentional, the Catholic administration associated with the hospital seems creepily excited to take in a feral child, in the hopes that they may "save" her.  Upon arrival at the girls' home, the priest/head of the facility immediately exploits her by putting her in a cage like an animal and videotaping her reaction.  While there's one nun that seems genuinely interested in helping her, most of the staff seems focused on humiliating Darlin' or using her for some personal gain. 

I actually liked this movie overall as a continuation of The Woman.  I didn't like the marginalization of Peggy and Socket's stories, as well as only minor backstory of Darlin's life before arriving at the hospital.  There were some really cool scenes, like The Woman riding in the car with Tony, or The Woman at the park with the baby that were so perfect and real.  There was so much solid creepiness here, from the molester bishop to the weird wedding-like communion ceremony.   This is definitely not as good as  The Woman, but definitely a solid installment.  (Yes, this is actually a trilogy, with Offspring being the first movie)

Sunday, September 22, 2019

Cabin Fever: Patient Zero (2014)

Hold on, so not only is there a Cabin Fever sequel that I haven't seen, but SEAN ASTIN is in it?!  Sunday afternoon score!  This time, we are not in the woods, but in the Dominican Republic, which of course isn't safe from flesh eating viruses. 

In an obviously doomed expedition, a group of four -- Marcus, Josh, Dobs and Penny, set off for a deserted island for Marcus's bachelor party.  In a laboratory, seemingly also in the DR, Porter (Sean Astin) is held in isolation as they try to figure out why he is a carrier of the flesh-eating pathogen, yet shows no symptoms.

Meanwhile, on the "deserted" island, everyone is getting high and swimming around in a sealife graveyard, which just really doesn't bode well.  In classic Cabin Fever fashion, you know people have to be banging when the skin starts flying off.  In a strange twist (SPOILERS), they're actually on the same island as the medical research facility where Porter is being held.  A bloodbath (quite literally) ensues. 

Much like the Wrong Turn movies, Cabin Fever(s) have a gory pull that make you want to watch just to see what disgusting thing is going to happen this time.  Of course, it's impossible to beat the shaving scene from the original but this certainly isn't the worst franchise/format out there.  Plus, I am LIVING for Sean Astin's rebirth as a chubby horror icon.  #bobnewbyforever

Sunday, July 21, 2019

Secret Obsession (2019)

I can't resist a Netflix movie that EVERRRYYYBODY is talking about, especially if it contains Mike Vogel looking like a snack.  It's hot as balls here in NYC (over 100 all weekend) and we spent the whole day yesterday outside so today is for movies and air conditioning.  I rarely get to watch "new" movies anymore, what with the parenting, full time job, and freelancing but some days there's just a lovely little pocket of time that I can use for stuff like this.

While I'm clearly most concerned with Mike Vogel, who plays Russell, this movie is also popular for starring Disney Channel favorite Brenda Song as his wife, Jennifer.  Additionally, the detective is played by Dennis Haysbert, and I subconsciously keep waiting for him to say "Allstate." 

After being chased by a mysterious man and subsequently being in an accident, Jennifer finds herself in the hospital with a traumatic brain injury and no recollection of her life prior.  Russell arrives, expressing distress over his wife's accident, although she can't remember having a husband.  While he has photo albums and memories of their life together, he tells her that both her parents died and that she doesn't see old friends since they moved right before the accident.  I won't give away the "twist" but if you've watched as many of these corny thrillers as I have, you'll be able to figure it out pretty quickly. 

Was this a quality movie?  No, not really.  It was chock full of inconsistencies, bad Photoshopping skills and a deep desire to be the second coming of Misery.  But was this a fun movie to watch?  Yes.  If you enjoy killing a couple hours with a Lifetime movie, you will like this one as well.

Saturday, June 15, 2019

The Nun (2018)

I have a soft spot for religious horror movies (I blame The Exorcist) and I definitely have a soft spot for movies in the Conjuring universe.  Chronologically, this is the first film in the universe, taking place before Annabelle: Creation

In 1952 Romania, two nuns are attacked by a demonic entity, resulting in the death of one and the suicide of the other.  A man from town, Frenchie (Jonas Bloquet) finds the body.  The Vatican learns of the situation and sends Father Burke (Demian Bechir) and Sister Irene (Taissa Farmiga) to investigate.  When they stay overnight at the convent, Father Burke reveals that he struggles with guilt over an exorcism gone wrong, and Sister Irene shares visions she had when she was younger.

As the demonic entity wreaks havoc on the abbey, the people in town are also affected.  Frenchie, apparently interested in more than getting into Sister Irene's pants, heads up to the abbey to help.  We have the standard good vs. evil showdown, but this time with a hot townie in the mix, which I appreciate. 

This movie was packed with jump scares that were made up for by the cool and eerie atmosphere.  Possession movies are fairly predictable at this point, but I can't say anything bad about The Nun.  Looking forward to more installments from the Conjuring franchise!

Monday, May 27, 2019

Sinister 2 (2015)

So we're all on the same page that Sinister rocked, right? And you know they weren't going to let that go without a sequel, right?  So no more Ethan Hawke, but James Ransone reprises his role as the deputy.

Single mom Courtney is living at the Oswald's former house with her twin sons, Dylan and Zach.  Dylan is visited at night by the ghost children we know from Sinister and is made to watch the eerie home movies of various children being murdered.  Like why do these little ghosts think that forcing children to watch these creepy ass videos is a good way to make friends? ;)

The deputy, now private investigator and Bughuul-obsessive is trying to break the chain of murders by burning down each house where they happen.  But he's unable to continue his plan once he arrives at the latest house to find Courtney living there.  There's also an abusive husband in the mix, making it difficult for the deputy to save the family from their imminent demise.

As in Sinister, it comes time for the current family/chosen child to make the movie.  Will the plan be thwarted, or does Bughuul win again?  This sequel was actually a lot like the original, just with different characters, but it was alright.  The ending leaves an opening for Sinister 3, which was apparently planned, but shelved due to the poor performance of the sequel.