The Blair Witch Project (1999)

Before we all chuckle at the found-footage genre, let's take a moment and show respect for how fucking groundbreaking The Blair Witch Project was.  Since it's been nearly 15 years (!!!) and we've seen about a billion shaky-cam movies since then, it's easy to forget that Blair Witch was pretty goddamn shocking when it came out.  Remember when we thought these people were actually missing?!  Like before they did Oprah?  This movie truly inspired a cultural phenomenon.  The hunting season suffered, as tourists descended on the woods of Maryland looking for the Blair Witch.  The sign at the entrance to Burkittsville was stolen numerous times.  And of course, it launched the found-footage subgenre of horror, which continues to this day.  This movie was made in 8 days for $22,000 and grossed $241 million.

So in case you just fell out of the sky, The Blair Witch Project is about some 20-somethings making a documentary about a local legend in Maryland.  Apparently the producers convinced the actors that this story was real, even though it was completely fabricated for the movie.  They interview a bunch of townspeople, and then take off into the woods to find evidence of the Blair Witch.

Apparently a lot of the aggravation in the woods is real.  Not only did the crew torment the actors with pranks and scares, but also reduced their food rations in order to make them more irritable.  Also, we all can't forget that rumor -- "you can see the period blood on her jeans!  She didn't know they were going to be out there that long!"

As the hours wear on, they all seem to realize that they didn't plan this out well enough, and they're constantly lost.  While constantly consulting the map, they always blame each other for their situation.  Meanwhile, the weird occurrences escalate.  Strange rock formations outside their tent.  Things that go bump in the night.  One thing you can't disparage this movie for is the acting and emotion.  These people were scared as shit, and it showed.  When they see the same creek again, I got a little chill.  Yes, the up-close shot with the boogers and everything is a little overdone.  But I don't care what y'all say.  When they see those little hand prints on the wall and see dude standing in the corner -- come on, we ALL were scared.

It's easy to dismiss this movie since the found footage realm has just become so saturated.  But this was truly a pioneer and if we can put aside our jaded minds for a moment, we horror fans should all appreciate this movie for what it is.  Also, haters gonna hate, but I loveeeee Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows.

Amber Alert (2012)

The Netflix instant page of this movie recommends both Compliance and Megan is Missing.  SOLD.  This is another one of those "found footage" films, this one being a tape that is taken in as evidence after an amber alert situation.

Two best friends, Samantha and Caleb, are filming their audition tape for some sort of reality show.  They're driving around and realize they're behind the subject of a recent amber alert announcement.   These two are so annoying that I wish they were the ones being kidnapped.

Basically the best buddies argue incessantly the entire time they follow the car.  They're supposed to be just following the car until the police show up, but the cops seem to be taking their sweet time.  Once they find the dude pulling into a gas station, they check out the situation and seem to see an unconscious little girl in the backseat.  She chucks her mike into the backseat so that they can listen to the car on their car speakers.  Yet AT NO POINT do they call the cops back. Even when the dude spouts some lie about being the girl's dad.  Even after they run into a police officer who seems headed to help, the dumbest chick on the earth, Samantha, decides that they should keep looking for the guy anyway, in case the cops don't catch him.

They continue into the night, searching for the guy after the police call off the amber alert.  Let me just tell you that I would NEVER want to live in whatever area these people are in because the the police are about as dumb as a box of rocks.  I mean, I'm thinking that these people are just doing one stupid thing after another, but I guess what else are they supposed to do when they are outside the house where they can hear a guy abusing a little girl over the headphones?

The last 10 or so minutes of this movie was pretty twisted and even gave me the willies a bit.  It was actually good use of the shaky cam premise of this flick, whereas the rest of it focused mostly on the two main characters arguing.  I understand where they were going with this movie, but they fell short of getting it to the Megan is Missing level.  There just needed to be more to it than arguing and following in a car, because it did get a bit tedious after a while.  But kudos for the ending sequence, which I did like.   
 

V/H/S (2012)

I heard this is one of those movies where you love it or hate it, no in between.  Well the verdict is in, and I fucking loved it.   Basically this is an anthology, based on a backstory of some hired burglars assigned to rob a desolate house for a videotape.  Of course, there are many tapes in the house, and they need to watch a few of them to determine which is the right one.  Each "tape" is led by a different horror director, and all are pretty awesome.  Just a quick recap without giving anything away.

The first installment, Amateur Night, is about a group of drunken guys who have one of their buddies wear a pair of glasses with a camera built in so that he can make an amateur porn later on.  They bring a couple of girls back to their hotel, but one is a littttleee weird...

Second Honeymoon is about a married couple on a little road trip.  They seem to be having a great time, until they encounter a strange girl knocking on their door late at night.  Is she just looking for a ride...or more?

Tuesday the 17th follows a group of twenty-somethings as they go on a camping trip.  Their guide, Wendy, seems to be acting oddly, often mentioning "accidents" and the fact that they will all die on the trip.  Will they survive their walk through the woods?

The Sick Thing That Happened to Emily When She Was Younger takes place on FaceTime, which is a cool twist.  Emily calls her boyfriend, and complains that she is hearing strange noises outside her door at night.  The whole incident reminds her of something that happened when she was younger.  Her boyfriend promises to help her through her fear, but does he have ulterior motives?

10/31/98 is about a group of guys going to a fun Halloween party at a house in the suburbs.  When they arrive at the party, they find the house empty, but think that it is just a haunted house that will later turn into a party.  But when they make it to the attic, they find more than they were looking for....

I don't get scared too often, and this shit freaked me out.  It didn't use too many cheap jump scares, just general creepiness, unique backstories, and some great visuals and effects.  It's the first time in a while that I had to turn on something "non scary" before going to bed.  

It's hard to pick a favorite installment, but with anthologies, you feel like you always have to.  I'd say that "The Sick Thing..." was my fave, closely followed by "Amateur Night."  Scream King loved "Second Honeymoon," but he has always been a big Ti West fan.  Ignore all the hate about this movie, and definitely check it out.  If you love found footage, anthologies, and just general awesomeness, along with a fresh little twist on the genre, you will dig V/H/S.

Megan is Missing (2011)

When I saw Megan is Missing in my suggested Netflix instant  queue, I blew it off as some horrible faux-documentary ripoff of Strangeland.  But then I kept hearing about it here and there -- on Facebook, blogs, and the like.  When I finally got myself committed back to actually writing on this blog after a crazy few weeks, I thought this movie would be a good place to start.

Megan is Missing is about two friends named Megan and Amy.  Megan seems like a bit of a turboslut, but we learn that she's had a tough past, including being molested by her stepfather when she was super young.  Her friend Amy is kind of an outsider -- pretty, but plain, shy, and not into the whole party and sex scene like her friend Megan.  Megan meets a totally cute skater guy (Josh) online and makes plans to meet him at a party, they don't connect, yet continue to chat online.  They make plans to meet up again, and Megan and Amy even chat with Josh together.

After heading out to meet up with Josh, Megan disappears.  The news stations jump all over the story, and surveillance footage shows her being led away by a mysterious man.  Meanwhile, Amy holds faith that Megan is okay, even continuing to contact Josh and chronicle her feelings about Megan's disappearance on her video diary.  Three weeks later, while filming, Amy is abducted as well.

The last 22 minutes of the film are the infamous "22 minutes" talked about in the various reviews and blogs.  They are disturbing for sure.  Not Martyrs-level in my opinion, but pretty damn close.  There's not an incredible amount of gore to see, but it's what you don't see that fucks with your brain.  The fact is, this kind of stuff happens every day, and that's the horrifying part of this movie.

At risk of being a curmudgeon, I worry for teenagers these days.  When I was younger, I partied.  I started drinking when I was in my early teens, but nothing like the kind of stuff you see in this movie, and with modern teenagers in general.  It was usually just a bunch of kids with a keg in the woods, huddled around a fire laughing, and stumbling back to our neighborhoods afterwards.  Chat rooms were first coming around when I was 15 or so, and sure, friends and I would goof around chatting with guys, but would never agree to meet up, or go any farther.  We'd wander around our neighborhoods late at night, always in groups, and looking out for each other.

With teenagers now, there's so much that puts their faces and information out on the internet.  Facebook, Instagram, Skype, Twitter,  FourSquare.  With "checking in" and all that nonsense, anyone who is someone's "friend" can see where they physically are at all times.  Like how fucking scary is that?  If some crazypants wants to find you, it would not be that hard.  This internet craziness is happening all the time, and although this movie isn't real, it's a true social commentary.

Megan is Missing is disturbing, but well made and topical and definitely worth a watch.  I kind of want to chain my social network crazy 17 year old cousin to a chair and make her watch it over and over until she never even thinks of talking to a random dude.  Also, Scream Queen needs a drink now.

Halloween: Resurrection (2002)

Seriously, at what point in time was it okay to put Jamie Lee Curtis, Busta Rhymes, and Tyra Banks in the same movie?  Laurie Strode has been in the mental hospital for years, but is now cheeking her meds in some sort of attempt to escape.  Or confront her brother that she thought she killed but didn't.  Isn't the entire basis of the Halloween franchise "thinking" you killed Michael, but that ending up being untrue?  After numerous movies, we should know this.

Halloween H20 was a pretty sweet movie that marked the return of Jamie Lee Curtis to the Halloween movies.  Apparently they used the somewhat success of LL Cool J in that movie to book Busta and Tyra for this one.  Not sure I would have drawn that conclusion, but okay.  Resurrection picks up three years after H20 left off, and of course, Michael's back.  This time, his mask looks seriously jacked.  What happened to the hair? 

SO many random actors in this movie, including Katie Sackhoff, Sean Patrick Thomas, and Thomas Ian Nicholas.  Apparently some people owed the casting director a favor.  You know someone was all, "Jamie Lee Curtis is in this movie...you're totally going to be nominated for a Golden Globe or something!"  Wow, I'm snarkier than usual tonight.  I'm a little hangry waiting for my Thai food to arrive.

So Busta and Tyra create an internet reality show where a bunch of college kids "investigate" the Myers house for clues to the murders.  Knowing that some students wandering around a house won't make for compelling TV, they rig the house with various scare tactics and even dress someone up as Michael Myers.  However, the real Michael is there and clearly he's just going to kill off these suckers one by one. 

The kills are classic Myers, which is never too original.  Lots of stabbings and beheadings, with people hung from various doors and stuck in closets.  There's lot of shaky cam in this due to the "reality show" premise of the whole thing.  All in all, this wasn't the piece of shit I was led to believe, although it certainly wasn't the best in the franchise.  Plus we get to experience all kinds of early 2000s nostaglia from PDAs to Survivor references.  And quite enjoyably, we get treated to the memorable line, "Trick or Treat, motherfucker." (Thanks, Mr. Rhymes!)  Horror movies are such a classy institution ;)

Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (2006)

You know I couldn't resist featuring a picture of Zelda Rubinstein here.  She's my fave.  I've been hearing about this movie forever and tonight I decided it was time to check it out.  When my husband is on the couch with me, I attempt to watch at least a 3 star horror movie. 

Behind the Mask is one of those mockumentary deals.  A cutesy, hipsterish film crew is following around a guy who desperately wants to be a serial killer.  In this movie, Freddy, Jason, and Michael are all real, and Leslie Vernon aspires to be like, if not better, than them.  Leslie has created a sort of legend for himself, which includes a house that he supposedly haunts.  As stupid teenagers plan on spending the night there for some sort of made up anniversary, Leslie plans on going on a killing spree.

Leslie has his dream girl in mind, a cute virgin waitress that he plans on making the "final girl" of his whole scheme.  In order to prepare for the night of blood and gore, Leslie gets in incredible shape to "walk" after victims as they run, sabotages "weapons" in the house, and basically pre-plans all the cliches you've ever seen in a slasher flick.  He describes these calmly and without inflection, which actually comes off as comical, which I'm sure they intended. 

Leslie poignantly relates all of the points of a murder to birth and death, as well as phallic and vaginal symbols.  Sounds crazy, but makes sense in the context.  Leslie also has a former serial killer friend, who is Herschel from The Walking Dead!  Big difference between the two?  He says motherfucker, and actually kills people in this movie.  You know, not like letting zombies live in your barn.

If you're looking for a lot of Robert Englund in this flick, look elsewhere.  Freddy himself has a very small part, maybe based on the small production budget?  Or it may have been more of a play on Dr. Loomis from the original Halloween, which was in the movie so little because it's all that they could afford.  According to IMDB, there's a few other little homages I didn't catch, such as the Red Rabbit, a Hellraiser puzzle, and Kane Hodder walking into Nancy's house on Elm Street!  Note to pay explicit attention to detail in the future.

I've been told by so many people I should watch this movie, so I had super high hopes.  I started out kinda meh, and then I really liked this movie.  It had a fun little twist and was vaguely Scream-like, which more humor, but not as overall good.  It was a good flick though!

Lake Mungo (2008)

The horror "mockumentary" started with The Blair Witch Project, and has been hit or miss ever since.  Probably the most recent success was with Paranormal Activity, which I particularly enjoyed.

Lake Mungo centers around a family grieving over the loss of their teenage daughter, Alice.  Alice drowned near the family's home, her badly decomposed body identified by her distraught father.  After her death, the family begins to experience a series of paranormal events in their home and surrounding area.  They capture the activities on photo and video, but sometimes wonder how believable it actually is.  In searching for clues to Alice's death, they learn more about her life than they could have expected. 

This movie was definitely slow and required focusing on it. The characters' monotone way of speaking, while adding to the creepiness, made it difficult to pay attention at times.   There were some serious moments of eeriness in this flick, and one particular moment where I actually jumped in my seat.  The "secrets" revealed really tied the entire movie together, and for a slow buildup, I think everything wrapped up pretty nicely.

It might have just been my TV, but I found the sound level on this movie to be incredibly annoying.  The people's voices were either blaring through my speakers, or barely audible.  Lake Mungo, you made my fingers tired pressing the volume button ;)

This was no Paranormal Activity but Lake Mungo is definitely better than most of the mockumentaries making the rounds.