Random: 30 Day Horror Challenge Day 5

What's your favorite monster movie?

People might hate my answer to this one, but I'm honestly not that big on monster movies.  Give me Michael Myers over Godzilla any day.  And I'm not sure if this is a horror movie, but close enough.

I freakin' love Gremlins.  In addition to it being my favorite monster movie, it is also my favorite Christmas movie.  Every Christmas Eve, after we leave Grandma's house, my sister and I race home to pop Gremlins in the DVD player (we finally upgraded from VHS)  It's also fun to see the look on people's faces when you tell them that Gremlins is your favorite Christmas movie.

Gremlins is such a great creature feature in so many ways.  You've got a great storyline, from the creepy underground store in Chinatown to the mean old lady neighbor to the lovely lady that Billy is head over heels for.  The little monsters were so realistic, especially for the 80s, and some of the scenes (like the movies and the bar) were beyond memorable. 

I really should write a whole separate post on Gremlins.  It really is one of my favorite movies, and definitely my favorite monster movie.

C.H.U.D. (1984)

It's been a while since I've seen a flick as awesomely bad as C.H.U.D.  I actually vaguely remember seeing this movie on the shelf in the video store as a kid.  I can't believe I've never seen it until now.

C.H.U.D. stands for Cannabilistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers. (that's a mouthful)  Apparently some homeless people in NYC have morphed into monsters with glowing eyes that live underground and snatch unsuspecting people through manholes. 

George (John Heard) is our esteemed photographer who has been doing some sort of photojournalistc project about homeless people.  He also gives them food, money, etc. and bails them out of jail.  And for some reason, he's "annoyed" when he has to do high-fashion photoshoots with his nude model girlfriend.  Weird.

A.J. Shepard aka The Reverend (Daniel Stern) runs a soup kitchen downtown.  He's becoming concerned because many of his "undergrounders" have gone missing lately.  Little does he know they haven't gone missing as much as become mutants.   Captain Bosch (Christopher Curry) is thrown into the mix because he's investigating the disapperance of his wife (which is probs due to C.H.U.D.)

All three come together in their underground search for what is causing disappearances, deaths and injuries.  This movie is PURE 80s goodness.  We've got cheesy synthesizer music, terrible special effects, and corny acting.  All the things I love about B-movie horror.  This movie was definitely fun and although it won't really scare you, you'll definitely laugh a lot.  And if like me, you live in Manhattan, you can start randomly blaming things on C.H.U.D. to annoy others ;o)

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Hellraiser (1987)

Confession time: I've never seen Hellraiser.  I think I always imagined it as a Freddy Krueger type of thing and I just never got around to watching it.  So I'm probably committing total horror blasphemy by posting this, but I thought Hellraiser was kind of lame.  Maybe it's just too supernatural for me or I just didn't "get it", but when the movie ended, I was like, "meh."

Hellraiser is the story of a couple (Larry and Julia) who moves back into the husband's parents' old house.  Little do they know that hubby's brother (Frank) was playing around with a possessed box and got himself chucked into another dimension.  They just figure he's in jail or something when really his body parts are hanging out in the attic.

While moving in, Larry cuts himself on a nail and runs upstairs whining and dripping blood all over.  Apparently this is all Frank needed to be re-animated, but not quite.  Now he's living in the attic in a weird deformed state.  Anddddd, drama time!  Julia and Frank used to bang.  Even right on her wedding dress before she got married.  The lovin' was so good, that not only does Julia give the time of day to this freaky creature, but agrees to kill people to bring him back to life.

Unfortunately, Julia is not able to keep her husband and his daughter Kirsty from being involved in this little debacle and all hell breaks loose.  Much like Pandora, no one can leave this box alone even though it obviously causes issues.  Although I thought that Pinhead was the star of this movie, he is just one of the Cenobites that capture you when you fool around with this freaky box.  I believe he became more prevalent in the sequels.

Anyway, I just really didn't like this movie so much.  Feel free to crucify me in the name of horror.  It wasn't the 80s style effects or anything that bugged me...I just didn't think it was that good.  It also appears that they're remaking this next year.  More to come on that.

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My Name is Bruce (2007)

This movie was pretty freakin' funny.  While not on par with such spoofs as Shaun of the Dead and Zombieland, it was still fast-moving and good for a laugh.

Bruce Campbell plays himself is this flick.  His career is going downhill fast and he's acting in stupid B horror movies all whilst acting like a total douchebag.  He goes to strip clubs, he insults fans, and he lives in a trailer where he guzzles cheap whiskey and peruses porn magazines.  

Meanwhile, the town of Gold Lick, Oregon has a problem.  They're being terrorized by a Chinese demon, Guan-Di, who was mistakenly released from the town's deadly mines.  Bruce Campbell superfan Jeff, convinces the town that they can be saved if they get Bruce Campbell to fight the demon.

They kidnap Bruce and bring him to Gold Lick to fight Guan-Di.  Bruce, however, thinks that the whole things is a practical joke by his agent for his birthday.  Therefore, he spends his time in Gold Lick trying to get Jeff's mom into bed while making a half-assed attempt at fighting said demon.

Bruce Campbell was perfect as the extra-douchey caricture of himself.  He was genuinely hilarious and believeable.  Yes, the special effects in this movie were horrendous, but I believe that was the point.  Definitely check this out for a solid chuckle.

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Cloverfield (2008)

I'm not sure this is exactly considered a horror movie (Netflix says Action/Adventure, IMDB says Action/Sci-Fi) but I feel it's fit to review this movie here.

Cloverfield was filmed over 34 days in both New York and Los Angeles. When they were filming here in New York, it was a big to-do, as the other New York disaster movie, I Am Legend, had recently made the Brooklyn Bridge appear to be under attack. The "No Parking" signs on the street read "Cheese" and many New Yorkers were confused as to what was being filmed.

In fact, Cloverfield was filmed, produced, and shipped under several code names including "Cheese," "Slusho," "Clover," "Bertha," and surprisingly, "Cloverfield" which ended up being the actual title of the movie. Cloverfied is actually the name of the boulevard in Santa Monica where the Bad Robot offices are located.

I cannot remember a single horror/sci-fi movie generating this much speculation, confusion and interest since The Blair Witch Project. The producers did such a great job of building up so much mystery around the film that people just could not wait to see it.

Cloverfield centers around a group of twenty-somethings attending a party in Manhattan when it comes under attack. The entire movie is filmed from the prospective of a handheld camera, which results in some very bumpy footage. (There were warning signs outside the theaters akin to those for roller coasters)

A small group of friends scrambles to escape whatever is attacking (running past a downed Statue of Liberty head on the way) They attempt to run over the Brooklyn Bridge, which of course, is immediately destroyed. They run around like everyone else, trying to figure out what's going on, and end up down in the subway. This part of the movie totally freaks me out. Ugh, even when the train slows down/stops in the tunnels, I start to feel claustrophic...the thought of running through the tunnels makes me have a mild panic attack. Also, the calculations on this part were a little off...they run through the tunnels from Spring Street to 59th and Lex in a short period of time, when any New Yorker knows that trip takes a solid 20 minutes on the subway.

Anyway, I digress. They arrive at Bloomingdales to encounter a military presence rounding up what appears to be cases of zombieism. Then, in a ridiculous move of stupidity/heroism, they decide to forego the military-offered transport and swing on over to Columbus Circle to try and find their friend. Once again, only takes them about two minutes to get there (in reality it's about a 20 minute walk) and no one in their 20s could afford an apartment in that building as they go for several thousand dollars a month.

This movie ends about how you'd expect for a "monster-destroys-New York" movie. This was a pretty solid end-of-the-world movie. It was pretty much like the Blair Witch Project, if you picked up that little group and their camera equipment and dropped them off in SoHo.

Grade: C (Blair Witch Project...after the kids were on Oprah and we all found out it wasn't real)

Feast (2005)

This little movie has a lot of big muscle behind it, with producing credits that include Wes Craven, Ben Affleck, and Matt Damon. And apparently a whole bunch of actors owed them a favor because everyone and their mother is in this movie. We've got Jason Mewes ("Jay and Silent Bob"), Balthazar Getty ("Alias" and frolicking with a topless Sienna Miller whilst still married), Henry Rollins (self explanatory), Navi Rawat (numerous prime time TV dramas), and Judah Friedlander (that guy from the Dave Matthews video). This movie was actually a result of the "Project Greenlight" reality show, which gives everyone only a million-dollar budget to work with.


So there are a bunch of random people hanging out in this bar, which is seemingly in the middle of nowhere. We get introduced to each of the characters with names, "fun facts", and life expectancies, which is original and funny and it gets my stamp of approval. None of the people have "real" names -- they all just have these nicknames, and surprisingly, it does not make the movie hard to follow at all.

Everyone is just chillin out until a random guy stumbles in and says that monsters are about to attack the building in five minutes. And attack they do. The poor bastard who was nice enough to warn everyone is immediately snarfed up, and the remaining patrons prepare to defend themselves against these mysterious creatures. They manage to get ahold of one and kill it after a prety intense struggle. Everyone is surprised and disappointed when they find out that this is actually a "baby" monster and the real ones are exponetially larger. They decide to show the dead monster to the other monsters (dumb) to assert who's boss. All this gets them is some pissed off creatures and a full view of monster-sex (this was a first for me!)

And then it's on, bitches. What follows is tons of blood, gore, and violence with plenty of campiness to satisfy the Evil Dead-lover in all of us. The acting was solid, the story moved quickly, and it was gross gross gross! I thought this movie was pretty damn good, especially since it involves monsters, which are usually not scary enough and typically fall flat for me. It's got a great Rodriguez/From Dusk Til Dawn vibe, so if that's your jam, check it out.

I also see that two sequels are lined up for this...ugh, why can't they leave horror movies alone nowadays?! I might check out the second one, but I certainly won't be expecting much...

Grade: A (Planet Terror - gory, grimy, and oh-so-good)

Ginger Snaps (2000)

Ginger Snaps follows these two sisters, Brigitte and Ginger. Both are suburban outcasts, obessessed with Goth and death. In fact, they both plan to commit suicide together before their sixteenth birthdays.

The plot definitely captures the mid-late 90s teen angst asthetic - the girls wear oversized hoodies and smoke cigarettes during gym class, they create an "art project" of themselves in various death scenes, and curse out the "popular" girls at every opportunity.

Anyway, in their small town, there's some sort of wild animal running around. People are finding their dogs mutiliated in their backyards, and no one is sure what's on the loose. Ginger and "B" leave the house one night to exact revenge on a certain nemesis, and unfortunately it turns out to be awful timing. Not only is it a full moon, but Ginger just happens to get her first period.

Moments later, Ginger is attacked by what appears to be a werewolf, and everything changes for the two girls. Ginger changes her look from black oversized outfits to baby tees and tight jeans. The boys at school take notice, and Ginger lets loose her voracious sexual appetite, much to some boys' pleasure and dismay. Meanwhile, "B" realizes that her sister is quickly changing into a werewolf, and she searches for a cure, involving the quite-sexy town drug dealer. Obviously, various mayhem ensues as Ginger develops a taste for blood and her sister must assist in covering up her growing list of victims.

This movie was pretty solid. It's cool to see something with werewolves (can't remember anything along those lines since The Howling) and the acting and plot move pretty quickly and have some good twists. Unfortunately the last 1/2 hour or so drags a bit annoyingly, but it all wraps up pretty well. Check it out for sure.

Grade: B+ (The Craft - goth teenagers go wild, and blood and gore ensue)

Masters of Horror: Jenifer (2005)

I decided to dive head-first into the Masters of Horror series and started with "Jenifer". The screenplay was written by Steven Weber, and he also stars in the episode (these MOH things are less than an hour long -- like little mini-movies)
So it begins -- two police officers are eating some Chinese food on a quiet road when they hear screaming and commotion. Detective Spivey (Weber) goes flying out of the car just in time to save a young woman from a man who is about to hack her up with a meat cleaver. When Spivey approaches the woman (Jenifer), he sees that although she has a gorgeous body, her face is hideously deformed (I am not exaggerating -- that face is fricken' crazy)
Spivey finds himself strangely attracted to Jenifer, and even goes so far as to take her from the mental institution she is being housed in and BRING HER TO HIS HOUSE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. Obviously his WIFE (??!!) and teenage son are not thrilled with this plan. They would also not be thrilled to discover that he begins sleeping with Jenifer behind his wife's back. The sex scenes are pretty graphic, and in fact, they had to cut some additional content out, due to being too racy for even Showtime. We soon discover that her issues are not limited to her f-ed up face, andn the ensuing action involves lots and lots of gore and an extremely strange decision on Spivey's part. The end is pretty shocking as well.
I liked this movie and it has inspired me to rent more of the MOH series. The nice thing about the less-than-an-hour running time is that there's none of the fluff and boring extra content that clouds up some full-length horror movies. It's just sixty minutes of pure horror goodness -- yummy.
Grade: B+ (Creature/friend in the basement in Evil Dead)