American Horror Story Coven: Fearful Pranks Ensue

New Orleans 1961: some white dudes are chasing a black kid down the street.  In the beauty shop, a woman worries about her son's first day at the integrated school.  Fast forward a few minutes, and the boy has been hung from a tree, and Marie Leveau looks on.  Later, Marie does a spell involving snakes, while a group of men brag about hanging the black teenager.  The spell forces a bunch of people to rise from the grave and attack the men.

Creepy dolls abound in the butler's room.  He looks like the guy with the weird hand from Scary Movie.  He wraps up Madison's body as Fiona sits by and smokes.  A loud crash makes her take off looking for Cordelia, but instead finds Queenie, attacked by the minotaur.  Cordelia and Fiona manage to pull together and save her, and decide that they will solve everything internally from here on out.  Delphine is feeling guilty, since Queenie saved her from the minotaur.

Marie is working hard at the hair salon, when her husband's head gets delivered to her.  Poor Kyle is repeatedly knocking his head on the bathtub and bleeding everywhere.  Seems he came back slow and stupid instead of evil.  Zoe feels guilty that they brought him back to life, and leans towards feeding him rat poison.

Fiona is excited about Halloween, but Delphine is not.  Fiona takes off in a witch costume, while Marie runs around frantically getting ready to avenge her husband's death.  She calls a decades-old truce with the other witches OVAH.  Poor Cordelia, her husband is cheating on her with some redhead, who appears to be the maid from the first season of AHS.  Delphine rushes to thank Queenie for saving her life as soon as she regains consciousness.  Nan announces the arrival of some visitors, which turns out to be the council on witchcraft.

Plot twist!  Turns out Nan summoned the council when she stopped hearing Madison's thoughts, therefore becoming concerned that she was dead.  The council quizzes everyone on Madison's powers and behaviors.  Cordelia's husband continues to romance his red-headed friend, who thinks they are exclusive.  Oooops, and then he just shoots her right in the head.

Fiona is bored with the council's grilling, especially as they recall that two witches have disappeared right after seeing Fiona for the last time.  Looks like she killed the last Supreme that she took over for, and then killed Madison, who she thought would succeed her. Also, we find out how Spaulding lost his tongue, after a fellow witch enchanted a spell where he couldn't speak a lie, in hopes to out Fiona.  Of course, he can't speak any truths without a tongue!

As their last witness, the council calls Spaulding to write the name of the witch who mutilated him.    We flashback to the night he cut out his own tongue, after professing his love to Fiona.  We also find out that Madison was not meant to be the next Supreme, since they need to be in perfect health, and Madison had a heart murmur.

Marie is doing her raising-the-dead spell, and corpses are starting to creep up from the ground.  Nan sets up a memorial for Madison.  Spaulding plays with his creepy dolls, also dressing up as one.  He has Madison dressed up and posed, drinking tea.  Cordelia and Fiona are out boozing.  Cordelia goes to the ladies' room to puke and rally, and gets acid thrown in her face!  The cutie pie from next door brings over cookies for Nan, while Delphine's dead family shows up at the front door.  Zombies straggle all throughout the neighborhood!  It's a Walking Dead/AHS mashup!!

American Horror Story: Coven - The Replacements

Have I mentioned yet that these AHS recaps are freakin' exhausting?  Talk about working my brain.  Writing these is like taking a calculus class.  Love the show but damn it's complicated.

Fiona wakes up in the middle of the night, and daydreams back to an earlier time.  At one time, Fiona was young and beautiful and was taking over for the previous Supreme. Apparently what it takes to be a Supreme is to have several powers at once.  Also there's a random pussy-whipped butler who can't talk.  Sure that will come into play later.

Fiona is at bar, but thinking about dancing.  It seems the "dance" is attracting young men, which fades as she gets older.  Zoe goes to visit another witch (Mare Winningham!) who is smoking pot, and doing a lot of talking.  Queenie, Madison and Nan watch the sexy shirtless boys moving in next door.  Delphine sobs over the black president.  Nan talks about how she "gets it all the time." Love it.

Delphine is a racist to Queenie and Fiona makes her Queenie's direct slave.  LOVE IT.  Misty snuggles with Kyle and listens to Fleetwood Mac.  Zoe tries to make him fall back in love with her but Misty is jealous.  I just feel terrible for Misty because she is very lonely.  Nan rolls up on the cute boy's house with a cake, and Madison arrives in a club dress.  The  mother of the house kicks them both out.

Cordelia is back at the gyno, with a problem--she can't have a baby. Fiona is at the plastic surgeon, where they are refusing her any more work.  Zoe carries Kyle back to his mom's house (Mare Winningham!!), where she is both excited and scared to see him.

The mother from the next door visits Fiona to complain about the girls. Fiona pretty much chuckles about it.  Madison just wants to fuck poor innocent Catholic boy Luke.  Alicia (Winningham) visits her son in bed.  She's worried about his shower time, which looked sexy to me.  But apparently she realizes he looks different from before.  WHY?!  OMG BECAUSE SHE'S HAVING SEX WITH HER SON.

Cordelia rolls up on the Ninth Ward looking for Marie for her fertility issues.  Love the use of the phrase "baby gravy." There's this whole process, and also you get to bathe in goat's blood.  It's $50K but Marie turns her down because of Fiona's antics.  Nan gets into Zoe's head and knows about her Kyle crush.

Alicia calls Zoe to come retrieve Kyle.  Fiona lunches with Madison.  Fiona admits she was a terrible mother, much like Madison's.  Madison wants to be taught to be like Fiona.  Fiona seems to worry that she will be the next Supreme.   Delphine is Queenie's slave and it's hilarious.  But now the minatour is breaking in.

Queenie lets Delphine hide from the minotaur but then goes outside to bang him.  Alicia continues to flip out about her son's anatomy, you know, since she bangs him.  No worries because he beats her up.  Madison looks gorg at a dive bar with Fiona.  Fiona pictures herself as Madison since that's how she looked when she was younger.  Fiona pours out a drink!!

Fiona informs Madison thats she's the next Supreme since Fiona is dying from cancer.  She begs Madison to kill her,  but slits Madison's throat instead!!  The weird butler is there to help,  and to "bury her deep."

"This Coven doesn't need a new Supreme.  It needs a new rug."

FIONA FOREVAHHH!!  Until next week!

Dolores Claiborne (1995)

There's something I've always liked about Jennifer Jason Leigh, beginning from her badass-ness in The Hitcher.  Dolores Claiborne is classic non-supernatural King, weaving an intricate and believable story throughout 30 some-odd years of a woman's life.  In my opinion, the movie was cast well, with King-favorite Kathy Bates and the worn and troubled Dolores Claiborne, and Leigh as her bitter and jaded daughter Selena St. George.  With a solid supporting cast, this makes for a good King adaptation, albeit a bit long-winded.

Dolores Claiborne is one of those movies where something happens in the present day, and then we get a bunch of flashbacks and memories as the main character explains what led her to this point.  In this case, Dolores Claiborne is being investigated for the murder of of a cantankerous old woman, Vera Donovan, whom she's worked for over many years.  To make matters complicated, she has always been suspected in the mysterious death of her husband, Joe. 

Her daughter, Selena returns to her hometown on Little Tall Island (off the coast of Maine) to help her mother with her criminal/legal issues.  While she is there, Dolores recounts numerous stories about Selena's childhood, refuting events that she believed to be true for most of her life.  Basically, Dolores's husband and Selena's father was an abusive alcoholic who molested his daughter.  Of course, this is something Selena blocked out for years, believing her mother to be a cold bitch who made her father's life hell.

Dolores also speaks of her time spent with Vera Donovan, a rich woman for whom Delores worked as maid.  Vera was horribly mean and abusive, and fired numerous staff, but for some reason, kept Dolores on over the years.  The two had a special relationship, dysfunctional as it may have been, which ended in Dolores being accused of murder.  Meanwhile, Selena is shocked as she recalls her past, realizing that her mother did much more to protect her than she could have ever thought.  


This is an interesting and well-acted movie which follows the book closely.  Set in a beautiful and haunting island Maine location, it is disturbing at times, but also enlightening.  Kathy Bates did not win an Oscar for this performance, although some believe she should have.  Definitely an excellent drama/horror/thriller from the mind of King.

"Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold onto."