Monday, November 12, 2012

Rogue River (2012)

Wow, it's been a while since I've done a Bill Moseley Movie Project post!  Bill Moseley is one of my favorite genre actors and I always so desperately want to love anything he's in.  But right off the bat, this story is a little unbelievable.  Maybe the cynical NYer side of me is showing too much, but seriously?  You meet a guy randomly while trying to scatter your dad's ashes, and not only do you take him up on the offer for him to walk you back to your car, but then when you find said car missing, you accept a ride.  Not a ride into town, mind you, but back to his house to "check" with his wife.  Check whether you can give a ride that you are already in the process of giving?!  Then when you meet the dude's creepy wife, you immediately agree to stay over instead of being driven back into the safety of town.  Alright, we're all on the same fucked up page, right?

So we've got Jon (Bill Moseley) and his wife Lea (real life girlfriend Lucinda Jenney) and the poor-decision-making soon to be kidnapped young woman, Mara (Michelle Page).  After stupidly deciding to stay the night, Mara doesn't even bother to call anyone to let them know where she is.  Also what year is this that she still has an old-school clamshell phone?  Is she my grandma?  The dinner that Lea claimed to be soooooo delicious is actually disgusting.  Mara cuts her hand on a broken plate and instead of taking her to the emergency room, Lea decides to clumsily stitch it herself.  After ALL OF THAT, wouldn't you just walk right the fuck out of there?!  Mara takes a snooze instead.

Lea is coming off very Kathy Bates in Misery.   Is that what they were going for?

Jon is crouched in his tighty-whities watching Mara sleep.  No big deal, right? She apparently doesn't seem to think so.  You know that line in Scream: "The bimbo's always running up the stairs when she should be running out the front door?" This moron repeatedly runs into a bedroom with no lock on the door, and into the basement.  Out. the. door. stupid. 

Then this movie just keeps getting weirder.  There's a guy in a trunk!  There's a wedding.  She's forced to rape her half-dead brother.  Someone is force fed ashes.  I mean, I sort of saw that coming from the beginning but whatevs.  The ending was just kind of whatever, although they did squeeze in a little nod to the incest that nobody wanted to see in the first place! 

I feel bad saying this, but I pretty much hated this movie.  Zero character development, and what was the motive for Jon and his sister/wife Lea?  She had cancer, right?  And maybe they wanted a baby or something?  What was the point of the weird wedding/rape?  Why was someone in a trunk?  Why was she sometimes tied to the bed, and sometimes just running amok?  I just didn't get this movie at all.  Skip it for sure.