Thursday, November 3, 2011

BreadCrumbs (2011)

When a normal person scans through their 225-strong Netflix instant queue, they probably look for movies that skew towards 4 or even 5 stars.  But God knows this blog doesn't get hits from Oscar contenders, so I tend to stray more towards the lowbrow stuff.

BreadCrumbs gets a pathetic 3.2 on IMDB, but I typically take that in stride because I give higher ratings to horror movies than most mainstream viewers would.  Plus, what's not to like about a bunch of porn stars making a movie in the middle of the woods?  While creepy children stalk them?  Sounds like an even lower budget Suicide Girls Must Die with a little Ils thrown in?  Probably wishful thinking.

I've never seen porn stars that look like such every day people, or teenagers that act like such first graders.  This movie is odd right from the start, so I hope for it to be wonderfully campy instead of just plain horrible.  Anyway, everyone's getting drunk in this house, except for the mom-figure who is quitting cigs and booze and making one last flick before she gets out of the game.  They see the creepy kids lurking around the house a couple times, but just continue to get their drink on and try on outfits for the next day's shoot.

Finally, porn time comes and the movie-making is on.  However, right in the middle of the money shot, the creepy boy appears in the window.  Buzz. Kill.  The mom of the group seems determined to "save" these kids, which will surely only end in her demise.  The remainder of the movie is adults versus kids as the slow-looking hick and cat-eyed redhead chase the group around the house and through the woods.  

This movie wasn't the worst movie I've ever seen, but it wasn't that good either.  There were some creepy parts and some decent gore, but overall, just meh.  And anyone looking for lots of T&A, look elsewhere.  There's basically only one boob shot, even though the movie is supposed to be about porn.  False advertising.  Oh well.