Sunday, April 6, 2014

Contracted (2013)

You know Netflix goes through periods where it seems to try to force you to watch certain movies?  Like everywhere you click, this movie is front and center.  A while back it was Stitches, and lately it's been Contracted.  So finally I'm giving in and watching it to get Netflix off my back.

So I'm sorry, but right from the start, this is a stupid bitch right here.  Samantha (Najarra Townsend) attends a party where everyone's acting kind of weird towards her.  She's also recently decided to start dating a woman, when she apparently used to date guys.  However, she can't get ahold of her girlfriend, and in a bit of a drunken stupor, allows A COMPLETELY RANDOM GUY TO GIVE HER A DRINK.  Girl code dictates this is the worst decision in history.  Said dude date rapes her in the back of a car.

She meets up with her girlfriend, Nikki (Katie Stegeman) who is actually kind of a bitch.  She returns home and is bleeding in the shower, but she seems to think that's okay.  Her friend Alice (Alice McDonald), the one who threw the party, calls to say the cops called looking for some rando at her party named Brett. When she starts bleeding crazily into the toilet at work, and almost fainting in front of customers, she seems to become a bit concerned and goes to the doctor, who diagnoses her as having a head cold and a rash.

Samantha continues to get worse, you know, with the bloody eye, the missing teeth and the worms falling out of her vagina.  If it were me, I would be FREAKING THE FUCK OUT and headed to the ER,  but this bitch just goes to bed and squirts some Visine in her eyes.  And also takes a shower in boiling hot water which she seems to believe is freezing cold.  And not only does she continue to be strangely unconcerned, but she goes into work and touches food with her nasty-ass infection.  And holy crap, is her therapist Dave Holmes from MTV?!  LoL.

I wanted to like this movie because the concept was interesting, but so much of it was just unbelievable.  The lack of getting help, even for a self-absorbed ex-addict.  Even one beautiful girl kissing another that had ROTTING TEETH.  And a guy going in raw on a girl that is legit bleeding from EVERY orifice.  And why are so many guys, and girls, obsessed with this one chick?!  I also didn't love how there was no full loop to the story...did it have something to do with the necrophilia at the beginning?  I was confused.

I will agree with some comments on IMDB that the summary of this movie is misleading and a bit disturbing.  I wouldn't call what happened to her a "one night stand" when it was actually a rape.  Not only was she way too drunk to be consenting, but she begs him to stop multiple times.

So even though Netflix is pressuring you, I wouldn't be in a huge rush to watch this one.