American Horror Story: Coven - Episode 1 - "Bitchcraft"

American Horror Story is back, bitches!  The first scene is set in New Orleans 1934 with a badass looking Kathy Bates painting herself in blood.  NICE.  Also, she has a bunch of slaves tied up in her attic, you know, with eyes ripped out and faces torn off and such.  AHS is going for the jugular right from the start this year.  She pops a severed bulls' head on the subject of her latest rage, creating her own personal minotaur.

Thank goodness Taissa Farmiga's back, this time as Zoe.  The tie-in?  She's actually trying to lose her virginity, just like season 1, but unsuccessfully yet again.  She learns that she is from a long line of witches, and randomly gets shipped off to a witch school in New Orleans.  They lost me for a second there, but that happens on the regular with me and AHS.  

Zoe arrives at the school, which appears empty at first.  However, there are some pranksters, which includes Gabourey Sidoube (aka Precious) as Queenie, Jamie Brewer (aka Adelaide from the first season) as Nan, and Emma Roberts as shunned actress Madison Montgomery.  Sarah Paulson is back as the head of the school, Cordelia Fox.  Lily Rabe returns as Misty Day, a witch who can bring dead things back to life.

Jessica Lange returns, this time as Fiona Goode, who is trying to get some sort of stem cell treatment in order to look and feel younger. The scientist ends up giving into her, but the serum is not working fast enough for her satisfaction, so she does a bunch of coke and acts craaazzzyyyppants.  Oh yeah and also she's a witch who can flip a dude around the room, and also steal his youth.  AWESOME.  What was Jessica Lange doing before she was fucking killing it on this series?

The teenage witches are all fighting, which is especially amusing, as they're using their witch powers to do so.  Cordelia is busy mixing potions while Zoe and Madison are off to a party.  Fiona comes to check up on Cordelia, who is her daughter that she highly disapproves of.  We learn that Fiona is the "Supreme" witch, which is very important.

Evan Peters is back as Kyle Spencer, a loud and douchey frat boy who is throwing the party that Madison and Zoe are attending.  Totally in love with the fact that Kyle and Zoe have sparks between them.  She goes looking for Madison, but it's already a bit late as she's getting gangbanged and is probably drugged.  Kyle freaks out and kicks ass.  Madison uses her witch power to crash the freakin' bus.

All the little witches go on a field trip with Fiona, but he get sidetracked by a tour of Delphine LaLaurie's (Kathy Bates) house of crazy.  Marie Leveau (Angela Bassett) discovers that Delphine mutilated her lover, and gives her poison, disguised as a love potion to keep her husband loyal.  And the house has been haunted ever since!

Oh, so we learn poor Zoe's problem with having sex.  Apparently when she bangs dude, she gives them brain aneurysms and they die!  So she goes to the hospital to visit the dude who raped Madison and rapes him, effectively killing him.

Man, I'm am going to love Jessica Lange SOOOO much this season!

I'm really intrigued by this season so far, but am already worried that they are suffering the same issue of last year, by introducing eleventy-billion characters at once, which are a bit of a struggle to keep track of.  Or maybe they're just a struggle to watch and recap at the same time? ;)  Either way, this season looks like a fun one!  Anyone who is wondering, I preferred Season 1 over Season 2, so I'm definitely wondering where I'll stand on this installment!