Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Teeth (2007)

Teeth is the story of the very pure Dawn O'Keefe. She belongs to one of those "waiting until we're married" groups, and homegirl is all about that shit. I mean she has numerous articles of clothing that communicate her beliefs to everyone, and she appears to make a fool of herself in public on a pretty regular basis by spouting off crap about modesty and chastity.
So the movie kinda plods along for a little while with all this purity nonsense, but then takes a very sharp freakin' turn. Let me tell you, I have seen hundreds of horror movies. And I have seen a select few that involve castration. However, I have never seen a toothed vagina BITE OFF A DUDE'S PEEN AND SPIT IT OUT, OMG. Seriously, just when you thought the horror genre had run out of ideas...
Sadly, poor Dawn starts to seriously lose her cool. She attempts to go to a gyno and get this all checked out, but the guy ends up being a serious asshole. But once she gets past that pelvic exam, girlfriend jumps on the sex train, for real. She tasted blood and she wants more, baby. Unfortunately not all of Dawn's bedmates are exactly Prince Charming, and they have to pay the price.
Sidenote, the kid from Nip/Tuck is in this movie, and he looks all kinds of bad-boy hot. When this shitshow goes all Cruel Intentions for a minute....WANT.
This flick is creative, creepy, gory, and lots of fun. It's been a while since I've seen a new idea in the world of horror, and it definitely delivers. Check it out.
Grade: B+ (Carrie - seemingly strange chick gets sick revenge and it f-in ROCKS)