Suicide Girls Must Die! (2010)

I'm sort of a weird person.  I grew up making straight A's and working at places like day camps and the Home Depot.  I went to a preppy-ish college in upstate New York and studied journalism and PR.  I work a corporate office job and wear suits to work.  I live on the Upper East of Manhattan, married to a straight-laced guy who wears button-downs and polos.

However, I have a secret side.  There's the horror movie obsession, obviously.  I have several tattoos and planning more.  I listen to metal on the way to my Wall Street job.  And I want to be a Suicide Girl.  I imagine that I'm too old and I don't have enough tattoos/piercings, but don't kill a girl's dream, yo.

Rock of Love - Bret Michaels + the woods of Maine = Suicide Girls Must Die!  This flick bills itself as the "world's first reality horror movie" but I'm pretty sure that was The Blair Witch Project.  But, okay.

Suicide Girls follows a group of tattooed and pierced models as they travel to a cabin in Maine for a photo shoot.  On the way there, they are get piss-drunk and pulled over for public urination.  When they arrive at the cabin, the shenanigans continue.  Their days seem to be filled with drinking and getting high, with some girls doing naked photo shoots in between.  And yes, there is full drunken tattooed nudity in this movie.

The girls start to disappear randomly, but no one seems too concerned.  You can pretty much tell the whole thing is fake when the "cop", who is obviously a male stripper on his night off, shows up to reprimand the ladies for wasting his time.  And the fact that they all continue drinking and partying long after their "friends" are missing is a testament to the fact that they likely knew what was up all along.

But honestly, I'm not complaining.  I'm a huge Rock of Love fan, and if you love that show, you'll freakin' love this movie.  There's catfighting, boozing, and gratuitous boob shots, but unfortunately, there's no horror to be seen.