My Bloody Valentine 3D (2009)

Now come on, we all knew this movie was going to be totally cheesy and horrendous. But subsequently, it was also AWESOME.

Saturday night, Union Square Regal Cinemas, and we are standing in line with 100+ other people having a literal stroke over the prospect of wearing those badass 3-D glasses. When the message. "please put on your 3D glasses now" flashed on the screen, people literally cheered. And so it begins.


My Bloody Valentine is a remake of the 1981 flick where a mining disaster on Valentine's Day leaves a couple of dozen people dead. To update the "original", they snatch up a bunch of B-List twenty-somethings and throw in a lot of blood and nudity. We've got at least two Dawson's Creek alums, Jaime King, and a chick that's been credited both as "Hot Treadmill Jogger" and "Ass-Grabbin Girl." I really hope that this movie doesn't get neglected when it comes time for Oscars noms.

Anyway, the general plot is that someone involved with this "disaster" returns to his hometown ten years later to find out that most people think he did it! There's a little love triangle going on and some digging to find out what really happened. Everyone is naked and banging (including full frontal female nudity) just like the typical 80s slasher flick.

The real fun part about this movie was the inventive ways that people keep getting killed off. The 3-D effects made it really awesome, and was definitely a throwback to the days of Freddy and Jason where the killing was actually pretty damn creative, and not instigated by babies dialing cell phones or ghosts ripped from Asian cinema.

I have to be honest, the plot in this movie was pretty much non-existent. It wasn't really scary in any way, but everyone in the theater was roaring and it was the best time I've had at the movies in a while. If you're looking for nothin' but a good time at the movies while its 3 degrees out, get some drinks and go check out My Bloody Valentine in 3-D.

Grade: C+ (Friday the 13th Part 3D - come on, you really can't fault a 3-D movie!)